tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7708284135934298522024-03-19T11:08:55.505+00:00diggerdiariesadoptive mum interested in parenting, and trying to do it in a gentle, well paced and respectful way.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-13145759098637473542016-12-07T16:07:00.000+00:002016-12-07T16:58:37.502+00:00Looking inwards - on parenting and therapy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh032B5h3p8Xn7QveeSEn37VEmGHVYhwAfbGDE1x91Pu7YAgZflKF-LpXWnmdtJ7HV2piTSnD-Rf2GPEUU41M-OAI7kV-o0L4J6XCEZXdhX6MdDtNIrkf6O7K-6ZbpgF0EHMRBcdWUfdOnU/s1600/ghost+of+xmas+past.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh032B5h3p8Xn7QveeSEn37VEmGHVYhwAfbGDE1x91Pu7YAgZflKF-LpXWnmdtJ7HV2piTSnD-Rf2GPEUU41M-OAI7kV-o0L4J6XCEZXdhX6MdDtNIrkf6O7K-6ZbpgF0EHMRBcdWUfdOnU/s1600/ghost+of+xmas+past.jpg" /></a></div>
I'll freely admit that my darling son has triggered me in oh-so-many ways. Most of them very good. Some of them not. Like making the advent wreath. Or snapping at a minor mishap. Both family specialities. I remember perfectly well how it was to be on the receiving end of the snapping. Emotionally complex, and certainly not a rosy picture of the snapper parent.<br />
<br />
Sometimes my reactions towards him blindsided me. I am not proud of it. It feels like regurgitated childhood hurt of my own. An at times disturbing presence. A Ghost of Christmas Past. It interferes with our relationship.<br />
<br />
<div>
So in the realisation that most of this had absolutely nothing to do with my son, and everything to do with me ... I've gone and got some personal therapy. Which has been extremely helpful, and made me a better parent no doubt. Though the person I should really be paying is my son.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
His arrival triggered strong reactions and reevaluations of my own childhood. Which was privileged in many ways. Liberal. Scandinavian. Educated. Sprawling. I got mad at my parents. I wrote about it over at <a href="https://wearefamilyadoption.wordpress.com/2015/09/04/they-f-you-up/" target="_blank">We Are Family.</a> I'm finally able to own up to that here. My anger has since subsided somewhat. And it has left room for a very different relationship with my mum in particular. One that I welcome, but that's for another blog. Suffice to say it is not all bad looking back.<br />
<br />
This blog began as a way for me to explore the minutiae of parenting. But the more I look, the more the way in which I was parented stand in the way of me being the parent I would like to be. <br />
I have written about <a href="https://wearefamilyadoption.wordpress.com/2016/04/08/ace-scores-in-the-family/" target="_blank">realising just how high my ACE score was</a>. That felt like being hit over the head. Recently, I've checked ACE scores with my siblings, and yup it is really that high. It is what it is. And it can be a strength. That's what I tell myself.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
The further I get into this parenting stint, the stronger I feel it is very much about us parents, and how we approach things. The Danish writer, Jesper Juul ventures that all conflicts with our children hold the possibility of doing for your inner child, what your parents couldn't. However schmalzy this may sound it rings very true to me. I think he has more a strong point.<br />
<br />
Parenting is looking inwards, at least 50% of the time. Especially in times of conflict. Because it takes two to tango, no matter what age. The difference is that we parent are the grown ups. We can be responsible for the quality of the relationship with our children. We have the experience to be. Kids don't.<br />
<br />
It's not that we parents all have to seek therapy (although that's a grand thought). It's the owing up to what is theirs and what it ours, the keeping of our own boundaries, and not diminishing those of others while we are at it.<br />
<br />
In essence keeping our own and respecting the boundaries of our children is what respectful parenting is all about.<br />
<br />
To me it's like learning a new language. And I'm an old dog. Keen, but old.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;" type="cite">
<center>
<table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" id="m_5893101467008418294bodyTable" style="background-color: #f2f2f2; border-collapse: collapse; height: 100%px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; width: 100%px;"><tbody></tbody></table>
</center>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-82550399963923658302016-11-29T14:59:00.001+00:002016-12-01T20:45:43.537+00:00Shame on you<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe-KmS19jzBPqOzAPz3nnJwx4eUi9a0XYlBS9PyQUK2JD_IleWcqc21F3F6_cTDJZ0KvboOs1jQJGCiwe6jTsbPHh3OIKGHU5JCngJzDoGMA6OJ2a_B4alxW42GJUaG1wFICqP66K2rjgo/s1600/skam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe-KmS19jzBPqOzAPz3nnJwx4eUi9a0XYlBS9PyQUK2JD_IleWcqc21F3F6_cTDJZ0KvboOs1jQJGCiwe6jTsbPHh3OIKGHU5JCngJzDoGMA6OJ2a_B4alxW42GJUaG1wFICqP66K2rjgo/s1600/skam.jpg" /></a></div>
'Shame on you.'<br />
<br />
These were the departing words of my late grandmother. I kid you not. Moments before the miniature sparrow-like woman left this mortal coil.<br />
<br />
It's unclear who they were aimed at, but it may well have been at my mother who was at her deathbed. The only person in the room. She's heard it many times before. Only this was to be the last. She herself was 71. Her mother 92.<br />
<br />
Shame is a theme in our family, as it is in many. It goes back a long way. Generations. I loose sight of when it started, but the preceding four have definitely suffered. As have I. And as, I hate to admit, does my son. Six generations raised on shame. On my mother's side. My father's side it was pretty dominant too. He still spits the words '<i>Shame</i> on you' against his children. Especially but not exclusively when he is drunk. He may text just that. Or email just those words. I am not always sure what I am meant to be ashamed of. A bit like my grandmother. Who did she mean to shame? My mum? herself? I may be overthinking this, but I think both my father and grandmother are also talking to themselves. Shame on me. And when I think like that I no longer feel the urge to defend myself, or just relent and accept the shame.<br />
<br />
Shame is a fantastically efficient way of getting children to do what you want. In the moment. The fear factors goes through the roof. The fear of loosing the love, the most valuable of currencies. My parents generations shame was one of the most used parenting tools. Shaming children was a parental prerogative. I now wonder whether it wasn't just omnipresent. Did my grandmother, did my father know a home where shame wasn't always there. As a feeling.<br />
<br />
I know shame well. From the inside. It is a physical sensation. It makes me smaller. In every way. It makes me want to be swallowed up by the earth. Never to be seen again. But I don't always know where it comes from.<br />
<br />
I think shame is a common denominator for us all. A feeling along with anger, love, infatuation, fear and happiness. We all recognise it. This by the way is one of the many brilliant observations behind the Norwegian monster media hit series <i>Skam</i> (Shame). Youth is particularly vulnerable an age for shame. Yes, I am a bit obsessed at the moment.<br />
<br />
In the US Brene Browne has done some truly amazing research into women and shame. For which I am forever grateful. She calls is a silent epidemic. Especially for women. I take her point. We don't need our parents to shame us. We do it so willingly ourselves.<br />
<br />
What perhaps is different from person to person is just how strongly it takes hold. My father and mother often shamed us as kids. I think they often meant to guilt us. But it usually came out as shaming us. We didn't just make a bad choice. We were wrong. Fundamentally. Unchangeably.<br />
<br />
In truth I'm terrified that I might pass this on to my son. Terrified that it is such a knee-jerk reaction that I won't recognise it as shaming him, when I give him the cold shoulder. Or sighs <i>that </i> sign when he spills milk, or I have to do another load of wash because he has wet the bed or his pants.<br />
<br />
I feel awful writing this. But the only way to splinter the blind angles of the unhelpful aspects of my own upbringing, that I am bound to repeat if left unchallenged, surely the <i>only</i> way forward is to acknowledge this.<br />
<br />
I am a firm believer that parenting is at least 50% looking inwards. Yes, also as an adoptive mum. Or perhaps especially as an adoptive mum. If I'm not aware of shame in my life and upbringing, how can I stand any chance of recognising and acknowledging when my five-year-old feels it.<br />
<br />
It seems to me that my son through his background is particularly vulnerable to shame. I've seen it happen. He get told off. Not badly. But he instantly crumbles. And looses it. Inconsolably. Because I fear it confirms what he fear most of all that deep down everyone can see that he is wrong. And unlovable.<br />
<br />
Yes. I have no doubt it goes this deep.<br />
<br />
And I have got work to do to make sure I don't hone those grooves.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-26013034078697926682016-09-16T12:10:00.000+01:002016-11-29T14:20:38.830+00:00iPad Usage Family Brainstorm - draft rules <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0Hm9d5LwqXrmsyjUonNg4PK0HvuFUeqq5EMhzFC4P54u9T6xRDQZ8N3OSIVALt1JTdDrJFfDXeXTfXKXwKqP2imAZf5ivJFSnN4uk7s4mwTPv4MuOYpISndT4X2YPAwFm8a1eiQCS6lp/s1600/screen+baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0Hm9d5LwqXrmsyjUonNg4PK0HvuFUeqq5EMhzFC4P54u9T6xRDQZ8N3OSIVALt1JTdDrJFfDXeXTfXKXwKqP2imAZf5ivJFSnN4uk7s4mwTPv4MuOYpISndT4X2YPAwFm8a1eiQCS6lp/s1600/screen+baby.jpg" /></a></div>
Ok, we have exactly the same problems as a lot of other families: screens. Arrrggghhh. It can take over. And it can be so so difficult to get the kids off blooming things.<br />
<br />
We had two super smug months when our son didn't watch any. At all! I'll just pause there for a minute...<br />
<br />
It didn't last. Of course it didn't.<br />
<br />
<br />
Because then the holidays started and well, that went out the window. It totally winds my husband up, while I, well erm, to be honest... I don't mind a cup of tea in silence, or I get a chance to just to one of the myriad of tasks that fills my day. Plus, it's not like we don't get the attraction: we watch box sets when he's in bed! (At the moment it's the third (!) season of the Americans.) I have experiments with having no limit, and if I honestly allow it - i.e. no checking in, no hovering etc - then he tends to stop after about 1-2 hours. But sometimes it does drive me up the wall too. Like when I want to do something else, mainly.<br />
<br />
Bottom line is: we have too arguments around screen time. So on the weekend we sat down, and brainstormed together as a family. Here is what we came up with. I was amazed at the son's ideas. And also that we do actually already have some rules around the usage that he understands and does follow.<br />
<br />
Guess which ones were mum and dad's suggestions.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>You can watch 5 or 10 or maybe 4 episodes in one go.</li>
<li>It is ok to watch iPad on holidays, and when it is not holidays but weekend. Sometimes.</li>
<li>It is ok to watch iPad on aeroplane, but not when we are back.</li>
<li>When you watch, don't swing the iPad because it can make you dizzy and you might fall of your chair.</li>
<li>When it is school you can't have iPad, but just a teensy bit of telly....</li>
<li>Weekends are fine to watch iPad in this house</li>
<li>When it is time to stops, mummy or daddy ask son to stop, then everyone goes to play in another room.</li>
<li>We must get that app so we can monitor his screen time.</li>
<li>Or I guess we could use the timer...</li>
<li>The management is always right.</li>
<li>When it is time to stop, let's try a three step warning.</li>
<li>No, let's have 10 or 14 step warning.</li>
<li>When [it is time to] stop you turn iPad off at button at top.</li>
<li>Or just close the cover to pause...</li>
<li>Or I will hide the iPad under the sofa where adults can't reach.</li>
<li>Or I will hide with the iPad under chair to watch some more.</li>
<li>If we have too many arguments, then we will try with no screen time for anybody. </li>
<li>Just play instead of watching iPad.</li>
<li>I want 84 mins divided by 10.</li>
<li>Ok, we can round that up to 9 mins. on the Timer.</li>
<li>It someone says it is too loud then turn the volume down or off.</li>
<li>Don't watch alone. Always watch together.</li>
<li>Find out what that music is on the favourite YouTube videos.</li>
<li>Mummy and daddy should stop watching their phones all the time.</li>
</ol>
<div>
We all agreed to give this a go.<br />
<br />
My favourite rules are 7 and 22.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm happy to say that this has actually worked since weekend before last. He gets 9 mins every now and then. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This won't be the last time we brainstorm like this together.<br />
I loved it! And it seems to work...<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-2906380240943645052016-09-13T19:30:00.000+01:002016-09-16T12:23:49.281+01:00closeness without word - a few tips from dan svarre<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqr7OSDCdDPBuO_T2ctS-2NvnSmZXf54Qv9lXH7TVbUGMyvU6BZLNC4Tm4Qxf3UprfX4jKI8x-nPLLtiCBkpFa3hFDVYloRnfo7I6WCnnLqJYOf1PVyTiJy8jLMYLO-oIfsL09oNlpdExq/s640/blogger-image-40973703.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqr7OSDCdDPBuO_T2ctS-2NvnSmZXf54Qv9lXH7TVbUGMyvU6BZLNC4Tm4Qxf3UprfX4jKI8x-nPLLtiCBkpFa3hFDVYloRnfo7I6WCnnLqJYOf1PVyTiJy8jLMYLO-oIfsL09oNlpdExq/s640/blogger-image-40973703.jpg"></a></div>
Since our son moved in with us, four years ago, I have not
stopped reading. Books about parenting, the brain, adoption & fostering,
trauma and much more. While I have yet to read a single book where I agree with
everything, there are certainly several books that have shifted my view. Books
that have challenged, even provoked me. Books that have changed the way I
parent. A great number of those books are from Scandinavia. To me they
represent a HUGE gap in the literature in the English-speaking literature. Down
to earth and practical books that do not talk down to us as parents. I am very
tired of being talked down to. As an adoptive parent I have, and have had, a
lot of professionals in my life, judging my parenting – be it positively or
negatively. I know I am not alone in this experience of being judged. It
comes with being an adoptive parent. It happens to us all. Before, during and –
hopefully – after we become parents. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I gained a little more insight and inspiration recently, in
finishing very good parenting book, in my mother tongue Danish. Dan Svarre’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Glade børn med højt selvværd – en
forældreguide </i>[Happy children with healthy self-worth – a guide for
parents], Politikens Forlag 2008. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many passages struck a cord with me. Especially, Svarre’s emphasis
on the role of the parent, and the necessity for the parent to deal with their
own childhood experiences. This is something I wholeheartedly believe in, and to
some extend, something I was quite unprepared for back in 2012, when our son
came to us. Apart from the depth of love that I feel for my family, the
greatest surprise in becoming a parent for me was how it forced me to look at
my own background, if I wanted to avoid the mistakes I and my siblings had been
subjected to, but by that same token I also saw a need to realise what in my
background had been good, and perhaps deserved to be repeated or even
strengthen. That latter realisation only came later. And only after getting
old-fashioned mad at my parents, an anger I let flow rather freely <a href="http://diggerdiaries.blogspot.com/2016/08/they-f-you-up.html" target="_blank">in another blog</a><span style="color: grey; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 128;">.</span>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The longer I spend in my role as a mother, the more I
realise it is not a role. It is being. There are no tricks, no quick fixes. For
them or for us. There really only is being. Being ourselves at that. Our
children are heat-seeking missiles for authenticity, perhaps more than most as
their sensitivities have been fine-tuned to pick up moods and even slight changes
in moods, to keep safe. I believe there is healing for both them and us in just
that. Authenticity. Finding and living it is easier said than done. They know
when we are not being true to our own selves. Better than us. Before we even
realise. When my son points out my moods, it is my job to listen and be honest.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The quality of the connection with my son is very much
something that it is in my power to influence. And it is something that I can choose
to nurture or not. Much of the teachings about this parenting stint – the
books, the courses, the workshops, the blogs – is about words, wisdom (or not)
steeped in words. This blog included. I tire of words. Yet I know they are
necessary. But often they are not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So back to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">closeness
without words</i>, the title of this blog. With the author’s permission I have
translated a short passage from Svarre’s book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Glade børn</i>. It is a passage from about closeness without words. In
my opinion, we often overlook such subtleties in being with our children. In
between all the practicalities, the laundry, the meals, the packed lunches, the
keeping of appointments, the bath times, the bedtimes and so on. I also happen
to believe that it is these moments of no words that we are really being asked
to give when we are asked to give our children min. 10 minutes a day of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">undivided attention</i>, as suggested by so
many parenting experts, from Bryan Post to Laura Markham and Patty Wipfler. That
always seemed a lean diet to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think Svarre puts the importance non-verbal togetherness
eloquently. This is what I strive for. It may be obvious to you, but I admit it
wasn’t to me. And it something I work on. Consciously. Because practice makes
the master. Or so I hope.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway here goes an extract from Svarre’s book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Glade børn</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Have a good life<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As a parent the best
you can do for your child is to have a good life. For you are your child’s
primary and more intense relation through its early childhood, and the way in
which you create your relation, will have lasting impact on, how your child may
experience and live his or her own life. The principles and mechanisms are
actually quite simple: Walk ahead. Lead the way. Show how </i>you<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> do it. Be what you wish to be reflected in your
child. Create a good life for yourself. Create an atmosphere of containment, acceptance
and enjoyment.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The principles and
mechanisms for the development of your child’s self-worth are equally simple.
Here are a few examples:<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;">
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;">
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you
show your child, that you feel joy, value and enjoyment in its company, it will
interpret it as, and feel like it, is valued.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you
emanate joy and fulfilment sparked by the sheer existence of your child, it
will interpret and experience, that its sheer existence has value.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you can
be quiet together with your child in intense contact and in intense presence,
the child will experience that its sheer presence has value.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you
receive your child and contain whatever emotions it may harbour, without
necessarily having to try to create solutions </i>[for them]<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, your child will experience that its
emotions are acceptable and, moreover, valued just as they are.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you
show your child that you accept and respect that it may have a need to withdraw
and to be alone, your child will experience, that its very being is being
respected and valued.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you
take responsibility for addressing an important and necessary conflict and can
be attentive and accepting towards both yourself and your child, your child
will experience that it has value.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It is the glint of joy
in your eyes of seeing your child again, which is reflected in your body
language, when your child returns from nursery, kindergarten or summercamp,
that tells your child that it has true value. Thus you can support your child
without using as much as a single word.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d only add that as adoptive parents that obviously we
have not had the privilege of being the primary caregivers throughout our
children’s childhood. But we hope to be principal ones. Getting there takes
time and unstinting perseverance – on both parts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
translation is mine, and so any mistakes are mine, and mine alone.</span><!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-71969182279170736362016-09-12T15:25:00.001+01:002016-09-14T11:15:59.208+01:00Lessons in self care<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5yPC6K_vZY3Zqsrd-W-dPo8qsLVEEgaJh_38nMC_gau4nuxRqRF_-kWVggYv4WiIz1MxedLakk7VW1XwyGG5PnZPy4_pA756mHk5rJJjjGv54dRKTTzFLiU5zLWTIjqJsrGZF5cYZsEuA/s640/blogger-image--629183662.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5yPC6K_vZY3Zqsrd-W-dPo8qsLVEEgaJh_38nMC_gau4nuxRqRF_-kWVggYv4WiIz1MxedLakk7VW1XwyGG5PnZPy4_pA756mHk5rJJjjGv54dRKTTzFLiU5zLWTIjqJsrGZF5cYZsEuA/s320/blogger-image--629183662.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
I've been bad lately. <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Very bad. Mad bad and mean. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">We had nearly 9 weeks of holiday (yes lots of inset days and other such nonsense). We've had a lovely lovely holiday, ending with a couple of weeks at home before school started again. Gradually building up to a school/work routine. At long blooming last! These last weeks at home have become increasingly fraught. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">With the 20-20 vision of hindsight I see it was my self regulation that suffered. But why?!? Why can't I look after myself when I am with my son? This is so counter to what I think about parenthood. Or it is modern parenthood? Or adoptive parenthood? Whatever it is, the outcome is the same. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I was recently told that as adoptive parents we have to be more regulated than most parents. Well... To be honest I can think of non-adoptive who need that too. Point being that non-regulated parents suck. As does self blame. Admittedly I am more than a little annoyed with myself for letting this slip so spectacularly. So I need to dissect it a bit. Bear with me...</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I've lost my temper. Got super annoyed. Really really irritated. Audiably. Last night at 11pm I got serious ticked off for finding the son's bed wet. Again! My son sports the cleanest bed in this kingdom. I'm quick at the changes, have a waterproof system and have lots clean sheets. But I've had enough of ten extra loads a week. Grrrrr. I know it is not his fault. I know slamming the washing machine door with do precisely zero good. Quite possibly it may make things worse. This is a good example of when I should be able to contain my son and his water works. But I couldn't. Fact. Grrrr. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">This grrrr feeling, my dear, is a sure sign that I haven't really been taking enough care of myself. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Self care. Ah. The self care. Not the paint your toe nails, go to a spa, practice some slow yoga and all that soft woolly prat every one talks about. It's not about money. Or marketing. It's about the self. Listening in. Refuelling. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">You really cannot give what you don't have. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I'm a great believer in self care - especially for parents. Because how can you weather anything if your cup is empty or quite possibly nearly empty.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I've been telling my friend how important it is. She is getting divorced. Her three kids are constantly on her mind as she ferries them around and otherwise plays Tetris with her, their and her ex's schedules. She forgets herself. I worry about this. So when she stared to loose too much weight and felt very very low I laid it on thickly. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">'Who is the most important person(s) in your life?' I asked her. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">She didn't even draw breath when she answered that her kids are. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">'Wrong. You are.' </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">My answer would have been the same as hers. The self care thing is a bit academic for me at times. I force my self to watch reruns of GBB. That's the bake off. Not Great Behaviour Breakdown. Though it could be. And I feel guilty all the way through. Not really as a pleasure. I'll have to work on that. And I can be pursuaded. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">The most important person is ourself. Because we are the adults. And it is freaking knackering to raise children. In my case: raise a single child. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Oh well ... so easy to see and say from the outside. I need my friend to tell all this back to me again. Grrrr. How did I forget? And what is the logic again? Isn't it just quite self indulgent?? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">That grrrr feeling is my red flag. And it has been raised a lot lately. It comes with stress. And lack of self care. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">So it's time to live what I preach.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I've gone away for the night on a job. Just one. The first in two years. My men are doing great. And I can wait to see them again. My husband practically ordered the ticket for me. 'Just stay the night!' He said. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">So here I am. Hours from home. First things first. A sun-filled stroll through the city I'm staying in, a good meal, early bedtime with a book, and a long restful night's sleep. All in silence. I shall speak again tomorrow when I do my morning's worth of work and then have lunch with a friend before I head home. It will be marvellous. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">There is more than one lesson in this. </span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-12295560604338108232016-08-09T10:30:00.000+01:002016-08-09T10:30:04.800+01:00They f*** you up<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
It's said that once you become a parent you will get to know someone who you have known all your life but never really known. Your own parents. Usually this is said with tenderness and often forgiveness.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
Since I became a mum I have got to know mine better too. Only they don't come out the better for it. It has stirred up a lot of deep seated resentment and anger.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
You see … I was the compliant one. I did well in school and at after school activities. I never caused much trouble. I had self-obsessed parents, who lived knee deep in their own problems. They simply had little time for me. I definitely got more attention from them if I did well and was helpful.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
Our home was a good middle class academic home. Liberal, tolerant and forward thinking. Members of the chitteraty. You can tell them by their unfailing and superior persuasion. My parents imparted a lot of knowledge. Mainly about astrology, politics, STD and contraception.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
My parents got drunk at parties and it being the seventies had multiple partners. Before I turned 14, I had had 3 stepdads, 3 stepmums, not counting the lovers. I could tell these lovers by their unnerving, disproportional interest in me, and then they’d suddenly be out of our lives again. I also had 6 stepsiblings, some of whom I never saw again after our parents split up. This did not faze me too much. This was normal.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
One day a week I would cook for the family. Thursdays. I started aged six and stopped when I moved out aged 18. There was a purse to go shopping for ingredients. If mum forgot to put it out I would cook from whatever I could find in cupboards and the fridge. I painted my first wall in our new house aged 8. From aged 10 I cleaned the house every week. I babysat for people in the neighbourhood and my younger siblings from aged 12. And so on… None of this ever seemed unusual to me. Until I became a mum. Now I think blimey, I was a kid. I also think it strange that my siblings and I spent so much time home alone.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
My siblings never really learned to cook or clean. They spent their time getting angry and shouting at the grown ups a lot. They wanted to be seen. I reasoned with them, telling them our parents loved us but agreed they could be silly. That they – my siblings – should grow up, stop shouting and stop expecting things of my parents that they would never get. But they just kept on slamming doors and moved out as soon as they could. I now cringe at what I said to them.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
As a good adoptive parent I read a lot about parenting and trauma. But I’ve been surprised at how much I seem to be reading about my own family rather than about my daughter. I understand that my parents had awful upbringings. I see their pain. That they did try to do their best. But at the moment this knowledge does nothing but anger me. For crying out loud they had four kids with ten fingers and ten toes. Who have all done reasonably well in life.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
My parents were well educated and affluent. I flirt with the idea that they had a moral obligation to get themselves sorted. Instead they indulged in decades of extended adolescence. Once they became parents why did it not dawn on them to try?? My mum did. But in effect this meant that she spent my adolescence in therapy. Emotionally unavailable. She was licking her own wounds. I get that. But I'll be damned if she didn’t inflict a few new ones.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
I could tell my mother's mood from the way she turned the key in the door when she got home. And usually it meant I would get out and stay out of her way. Turn off the music, gather my things and go to my room if I had been daring enough to spread out and enjoy the living room.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
It seems more customary to get angry at your parents in your teens and twenties. Not in your forties. I admit these thoughts and feelings of mine are puerile. I’m having my teenage go at my parents in my late forties.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
But that's where I am.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
Really really f***ed up at my parents.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
I'll be damned if I want to repeat those mistakes.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
I'm working so hard at understanding my past. I am especially trying to turn certain knee jerk reactions around. Like the short sneer at my daughter or a quick scolding of her when I can't contain her needs and demands. Those moments strike me with pure fear. Because I remember how it felt on the receiving end. So I work at our relationship. Moment by moment. Event by event. And I apologise to her when I mess up.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
Being an older parent and having waited for so long to become a mum, I used to think it was a weakness, but now it seems it is a strength. I’ve done career, I’ve proven myself – of sorts – to others, I have a mortgage, a car, I can decide my own bedtime and what is in my fridge. By all accounts I’m a grown up. My parents were children when they had me. They only just finished school. I was a whoops. Born just before free abortion…</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
My daughter is the focus of my life.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
I am very happily resigned to being second forever more. I want to be a mum till I leave this mortal coil. As a child, I often felt we were in the way of our parents’ happiness. Their sighs were a give away. I know they loved us, but did they like us? Do they?</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
I am determined to do it differently, better preferably.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
Playing has been an excellent place to start. Enjoying each other.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px;">
Getting to know my daughter.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #3d596d; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px;">
[This post was first published via We Are Family last year. I now will stand by it.]</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-74983940355928972322016-02-22T12:22:00.000+00:002016-02-23T19:15:22.342+00:00Breakfast in other peoples’ families<br>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTrpwvM9oqQh9GlrBax3wlUySoDLENbbRo6ZONGeXUFbObtwE4HPRuPboQfMjcyWIa_Ja902DOa9tqhJ769DCjM9cOWN_TuGsBB25qKNswi6jiR1AldL70HfPSl9TIKBMDdX7udhRUwY4S/s1600/together2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTrpwvM9oqQh9GlrBax3wlUySoDLENbbRo6ZONGeXUFbObtwE4HPRuPboQfMjcyWIa_Ja902DOa9tqhJ769DCjM9cOWN_TuGsBB25qKNswi6jiR1AldL70HfPSl9TIKBMDdX7udhRUwY4S/s1600/together2.jpg"></a><o:p> </o:p>Last week, I had one of those days, when I had to have
someone look after Digger all day, as I had a whole day meeting a couple of
hours from home, and Pierre was out of town. Our usual go to people couldn’t help out,
so I asked a nursery school mate. Not a family we are that close to – having
only known them since September - not even one of Digger’s best friends, but one
that both he and I feel very comfortable with, and one we had a few play dates
with. I admit I was rather desperate. I had to leave our house at 7.30pm. They
immediately asked if he wanted to have breakfast with them. Great idea, I
thought, and so we settled on a 7am rendezvous.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I prepared Digger as best I could, talking to him about it,
wondering about it with him, drawing it etc, and he was puzzled, and not
especially keen. As we headed off some anxiety surfaced. He was definitely
apprehensive, which fed straight into feeling like a terrible mum, for choosing
an exciting grown up day above him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We arrive at Sophie’s house and the family flung open the
door, and welcomed him with big smiles. The oldest hid behind the front door only
to jump out with a ‘BOO!’ he startled Digger. But not too badly. Digger
loves startling us – and he has a surprisingly high strike record... <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not unlike settling in a nursery, Digger wasn’t initially happy
to be left there, and wanted me to hang around for a while. I pulled off his
snowsuit, hat, mittens and boots. Meanwhile, the family milled down towards the
breakfast table in the kitchen, Digger was still not keen. And then… the stroke
of genius from the dad: He came back up, bent down and – as you would with a
toddler – suggested to Digger that he would lift him up on his arm (this dad is
very very tall). No words, just a gesture and a smile. He got enough of a
response to proceed and he lifted him up. One hand on Digger’s tummy, one under
he bum. A very safe grip.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Would you like to come down and have some breakfast with
us? We’ve got two kinds of cereal. How do you normally have cereal? Do you like
milk on it?’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Digger nodded a bit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It sounds so little and so mundane when I recall it, but it
was perfect. Daddy took him down, and sat him at the end of table.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘This is your place. Sophie and Chipmonk have been so
looking forward to you coming over for breakfast.’ <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So calm and lovely. Daddy put a bib on Digger, and Chipmonk,
the older brother, aged 8, poured some milk over the cereal Digger had chosen. I
stood in the hall, peeking in. Soon I saw a true Digger smile spread across his
face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They had made him feel safe. And it was all going to be ok.
He didn’t even look up at me. Only when prompted to say goodbye.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It made me think of being a child of the 70s in Scandinavia.
In forth grade, we had some extraordinary homework:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Swap family for a week. Move in with one of your class mates. There are many ways of being a family.’ Something like that. 'Preferably not one of your closest friends, but someone whose family is very different to yours.' I remember it blew my mind, as we discussed who could stay with whom. The
experiment would work best if the kid you know wasn’t there, but with another
family. Whaaaaa…?<br>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My class teacher suggested I stay at Bo’s house. Bo was tall and strong for his age. He seemed only to be interested in tin soldiers. He
was an only child, and like his mum and dad he seemed eerily quiet. These two latter
facts stood in stark contrast to my own family. A divorce child smothered in a sprawling
family tapestry. My teacher had let me know that she thought I had one of the most complicated
of families she has ever come across, and she could never find head or tails in it. ‘It’s easy!’ I’d say
and explain it all over again. I remember at least one sigh of hers. Clearly
not helping matter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had step siblings, and step parents, sisters, brothers,
mum and dad. At least two of each. And every one seemed to talk all the time.
In fact I still don’t really think it is rude to interrupt, because everyone in
my family did that all the time! Pierre thinks is it extremely rude and shuts
up if I do. Which kinda hurts me, coause I am only joining in, but I am
beginning to get what he is saying. Aged 44.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This ‘Swap family for a week’ was optional – but still. I
was terrified. I think I did one night with girl who wasn’t my best friend in
the class. That was way enough experiment for me. There was an adopted girl in
our class, Eva. I cannot remember if she did it. Or indeed if anyone else did. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Try someone else’s mum and dad, or just mum, or just dad,
for a week.’ It was to be 'eyeopening’. Well… eye-widening really. We were only 9!
I don’t recall what my parents thought of the experiment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4MJ3oRMnxe9Tw23NlyF29AlCbXB5X-tsIwBnBgtN0jD4299qxkiCRUrh87YJEbfPin_s0zIXWc5U0r-RxZhm2GPGmmdYW-_328BUE1SUKj46nt0cxDkU5XkQVUxWCy569PKThzBElpwln/s1600/together.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4MJ3oRMnxe9Tw23NlyF29AlCbXB5X-tsIwBnBgtN0jD4299qxkiCRUrh87YJEbfPin_s0zIXWc5U0r-RxZhm2GPGmmdYW-_328BUE1SUKj46nt0cxDkU5XkQVUxWCy569PKThzBElpwln/s1600/together.jpg"></a>The idea was that it was anti-bullying. Opening your horizon.
And such. I’m shaking my head as I think about it. This was clearly an adult
who came up with this. A hippie perhaps. The kind that can not be trusted,
because they don’t care about earthly concerns, such as clothes, cereals and a snack
when you come home from school. Or the whereabouts of your favourite teddy.
Perhaps it was a commune parent, if a parent at all. Just watch a bit of Lukas Moodysson’s ‘Together’, you’ll see what I mean.<o:p></o:p><br>
<br>
Nice idea, but not very child friendly I think. And not one I will impose on my son. But why was I so worried?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the kitchen of Digger’s friends, I could see the family magic working. Inclusive and warm and different to us.<o:p></o:p><br>
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I got back from my (extraordinarily exciting!!) day, he
told me everything they had done together. How they had cycled to school, him and Sophie
in a funny bucket bike, while Chipmonk rode on his own bike. On the road!!
Chipmonk and dad with bucket bike were in the road!! And so on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was an all round success.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not that I will repeat it soon. But it has made me think.
Perhaps we should eat more breakfast with other families. Breakfasts are
intimate, and you have to leave the house a specific time, so it can be
stressful. This morning wasn’t really, certainly not as we came to their house.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It has certainly made me think.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mainly because he loved it. Because they made him feel safe.<br>
<br>
I was uh'ing and ah'ing about whether or not to ask. Pierre just asked me:<br>
<br>
'What would you say if they asked us?' The answer to that made me ask them. Because it will always be yes. They would only ask if they really needed the help. And if they trusted us. Which is what I felt.<br>
<br>
It certainly takes a village to raise a child. And there is much inspiration to be gained from looking into other people's families.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br></div>
<br>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br></div>
<o:p></o:p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-84850858148921246512016-01-29T15:14:00.001+00:002016-01-29T19:58:39.099+00:00RegressionWhen our son first moved in he was near as damn it 11 months
– He had just learned to crawl. I can’t say it was love a first sight – I had
to grow into that. But there was definitely a strong mutual attraction, a fierce
sense of parental responsibility and ‘he
is ours to protect at all cost’ from the first time I lay eyes on him. We
bonded well, at a pace that suited us all.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess the first sign I had that we had moved beyond the
politeness of strangers was when he one evening lay on my tummy. All sprawled
out. Legs bent up either side of him. Arms also bent upwards, along his sides.
Like a small frog. He fell asleep like this. This seemed to me to be a position
of a newborn or much younger baby. I asked his foster mum when we next met her
if he used to do that with her. ‘He hasn’t done that for months.’ she answered.
‘How strange...’ I took that as a good sign of our bonding. And cherished the
moments of going back in time. Time travelling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked my friends, if their kids did the same. If they in
any way regressed? Interestingly, those with kids of the same age as my son
looked at me blankly. Shrugged. ‘Nooouuuu…’ They hesitatingly muttered. ‘Or at
least I don’t think that is regression. But it is true… she doesn’t really do
that any more…’ I think I should ask them again. Now. Another friend with a 12 and a
15 year old answered differently: ‘Yes. Sometimes. Less so now. Sometimes when
they forget they are too old for holding hands or cuddling or sitting on my
lap. It often happens when they are sad, or ill. But grab the moments with both
hands! Cuddles from a teenager is like nothing else.’ I liked that answer. And
that is what I still do. Grab such moments with open arms.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why this now? Because we have just had the most amazing
regression from son-o. Lasting over three weeks. All kicked off when he cut
himself. Cooking dinner with me. With a children’s safety knife – not that that
makes me feel any better about this episode, but that’s a whole other subject.
While listening to funk – this I think is key to the momentary distraction that
led to the part amputation of his perfect little finger tip.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It has been a
nightmare. And we have seen some SPECTACULAR return of the toddler – or baby? –
tantrum! Complete with a kind of crying I haven’t heard since he was a baby.
The crying is different. Helpless but angry. So we have has to bring out all
the tools from our therapeutic parenting book. Spanners? No. Alan keys? No.
Hammer? Definitely no. Aha! The tweezers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In our case the tool kit consisted of :<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->baby bottles with warm milk several times of day<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->re-introduction of pacifier<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->swaddling <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->carrying, lifting, helping, sitting on parent
laps – especially during mealtimes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->singing, humming<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->cuddles, sometimes of the extra hard grip, sort
of exaggerated hug – holding him tight<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->touching, holding, caressing, stroking,
snuggling, patting,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->sofa time in piles of duvets and pillows<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->ice cream, bananas, rice pudding, chocolate<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Ipad and TV and endless streams of books<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->sleeping in our parental bed – for some of the
time, we were a bit freak out, fearing we might end up rolling over on his bad
hand, which we both did at one time, or rather I accidently sat on it! I have
been an amazingly cack handed mum in all this. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->talking about and acknowledging his fears. Which
was mainly: ‘Will it bleed again?’ Which it did. In fact that was the worst bit
about it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->more talk, pondering, wondering and
acknowledgement and prep for hospital check ups. They were fun. Not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was given the advice to not look at it as trauma. To go
over the whole episode with him. Think of the nice things in the hospital. We
did that too. And it helped.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first many days afterwards there was no play. At all.
That’s only now returning.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
There were times in the tantrums when nothing – and I mean nothing! – would
help. So there was no option but to sit it out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had a babysitter in. And oddly enough, she who normally
is perfect and funny and full of love, couldn’t handle it. So I handed her the
tweezers and what ever else seemed to work a bit. I handed her baby bottle with
warm full fat milk. Swaddled him in a rug like a baby and handed him to her.
They too needed connecting. I told her that it was a compliment that he got
upset and angry with her. She stared at me. ‘Huh? Really?’ ‘Yes.’ She got the
hang of it a bit later. And he calmed down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I love regression. To me they provide fantastic
opportunities to unstick some pent up feelings. In his case mainly fear covered
by lashings of anger.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But don’t be fooled: it is f•••ing hard work. There were
times when it was just like leaning into a gale force shit storm, telling
myself ‘just keep on walking’ into the eye of the storm. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am knackered. And so is my husband.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just want to sleep. And I wonder whether I can feel this
because we have turned a corner. And he and his finger tip will be ok. I can
see that with my on eyes. Eventually. But perhaps more so because it has been
nearly four weeks of this regression and anger.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It felt like there was much more to this than the finger
tip. And I hope we have done right by him in the end. Cause this is all we
could do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was so brave in hospital. Several times. At times ridiculously
brave for a four year old. It seems he saved it all for us at home. Later.
When the sense of emergency had gone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He is now back in nursery. Today his teacher told me that he
has kept the whole class spellbound telling them exactly how it all happened. A true
blow by blow account. He was cutting a cucumber [parnips but what the hell],
then snip! And SO MUCH BLOOD! EVERYWHERE. She told me he gesticulated. I could see it. Flapping his arms. Excited. He tells stories with his whole body. <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">He is a good story teller. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I was delighted to hear that fragment of his day. There is life in the tale of the finger tip, his emotions
around it and he is shedding stuff. When the finger has healed there will be a
scar to talk about. An honourable scar. One to be proud of. Male friends
offered that that may be the case. I cut one or two of them off with curtly 'I very
much loo forward to that day.’ But I now see… they are probably right. That day
is on the horizont.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-60615076256119798712016-01-12T10:00:00.002+00:002016-01-12T10:00:10.542+00:00sleep as a place of safetyWell, our boy still sleeps in our bedroom, still in the mega cot (though he will be growing out of it soon). Needless to say I still love having him there. No big surprises there then. Not much change from my last blog not he subject.<br />
<br />
We had a short interlude of c. two months when he slept in his own room, directly below ours. By his own choice. We'd been to IKEA brought some new shelving and some boxes that slotted into it perfectly - can't remember the name, but it could have been something like Støblø.<br />
<br />
Digger helped put it all together. His very first flat pack assembly. And it was fantastic. He loved it, we loved it. And the improvement to the ease of getting to (and tidying!) his toys was instant. As we marvelled at the finish product, he proclaimed he want to 'sleep in my room tonight.' So that's what we did. It worked for a few weeks. With us parents slogging up and down the stair during the night. But then Digger started nursery, and got ill, typical first term stuff. So he moved back into the old cot in our room.<br />
<br />
Starting nursery is BIG! And it is clearly affecting his dreams and sleep. He often wakes around 4am, and we have an exchange like this:<br />
<br />
'Mummy.....?'<br />
<br />
'...Yes, sweets..?'<br />
<br />
'I'm scared.'<br />
<br />
Then I get up, and go to his cots. To stroke his chin, hold his hand tuck in him, etc. And stay for a little while. But other times, he just comes to our bed.<br />
<br />
And this is what started me on this blog: that space between daddy and me I think for him is the safest place on earth for him. He will wiggle and move around, being little spoon of either of us, while always making sure he can reach the other. A toe on my leg. A hand on daddy's arm. Just some connection between us all.<br />
<br />
This works for us.<br />
<br />
And I have little doubt that he will grow out of it. He already has once. But then needed us again.<br />
<br />
He is such a big brave boy, and they too are allowed to be scared, and cry - a lot sometimes - and need their mummy and daddy. That is what I tell myself, as I brace myself for his first operation later today. Emergency. Of a partly amputated long finger with a damaged artery. Under general anaesthetic.<br />
<br />
Once that is all over, I cannot wait for the long night's sleep that will follow. Be it in little bed, big bed or a combination of the two. I hope the latter.<br />
<br />
Wish us all luck. But most of all him.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-81132382654414295242015-09-27T18:24:00.003+01:002015-09-27T19:08:38.388+01:00Head colds and snot in preschoolers - what I have learned <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnDTqXDl7ms-HAvFyLF9Soe-b0w0-BmjWVcm5qpg75xd8Qbj3hqxBah9mH9bj2TGHRf9MQy5e94BLOBHglD4tckOhF3MiuXO_McIt3JkhphTZxzKzpprdDGhnLzTd14SVHgSTf_H0_J-ym/s1600/nuk+nasal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnDTqXDl7ms-HAvFyLF9Soe-b0w0-BmjWVcm5qpg75xd8Qbj3hqxBah9mH9bj2TGHRf9MQy5e94BLOBHglD4tckOhF3MiuXO_McIt3JkhphTZxzKzpprdDGhnLzTd14SVHgSTf_H0_J-ym/s320/nuk+nasal.jpg" width="252" /></a></div>
WARNING: GROSS ALERT<br />
<br />
Aaaaaa..aaa..tchewW!!!<br />
<br />
Hallo autumn. I haven't missed colds. At all.<br />
<br />
Sorry about the title but there have been times when we seem to be downing in the stuff and I had to learn fast.<br />
<br />
With kids comes snot. I could write a novel on the stuff and on head colds. Digger had them coming like the London tube trains in rush hour for the first few months after he moved in. I guess we gave him lots of new germs as did the kids in local playgroups.<br />
<br />
Of course all this illness spelt excellent bonding time. Lovely times of physical closeness with my son in the sling ... never far from a tissue or a muslin.<br />
<br />
<br />
Here a few thing I've learnt about snot. Do add further comments below.<br />
<div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>As a parent you will touch snot and there is a 100% probability that it will also end up on your clothes. </li>
<li>It is amazing what these kids can produce. I would swear my son produces more than the estimated 1dl per head cold.</li>
<li>It spells bad nights' sleeps. In my experience - three years in, the first two nights are the worst. </li>
<li>You can elevate the bonged up nasal passage a bit by raising the head of the bed. A pillow under the fitted sheet has been suggested by many a friend and website. And so we tried it. Prob Good for kids who lie still all night. Digger doesn't. So instead of sleeping uphill, he ended up down hill and so much more bunged up. </li>
<li>Rubbing his chest in mentholated petroleum jelly on any sort can keep everyone awake and unable to sleep.</li>
<li>A Nasal Decongestor is good news. Digger hated it but eventually got used to it. It is an excellent tool to avoid raw red nose and nostrils. </li>
<li>Warm steam baths will help empty them, but also stimulates production. </li>
<li>The colour matters. 'What colour is it?' My mum would ask. Ouh gross mum. Now this is what I ask of my husband. And of Digs himself. So here's the load down:</li>
<ul>
<li>First day or two means dripping watery clear consistency. </li>
<li>Third day this should slow down as the snot become more viscous. Digger would often be able to blow snot bubbles from his nostrils on day 3 and 4. The consistency would now be mucous. But pale. And very stretchy/ smeary. </li>
<li>Once the colour turns a pale yellow you are over the worst. Usually this is on day 4 or 5 onwards. </li>
<li>A good yellow and finally green sees you through to the thick and sticky end. This makes for big bogeys. Cubic centimetres stuff. </li>
</ul>
<li>A slight elevated temperature is normal at the beginning. </li>
<li>Real fever (above 37.8 degree Celcius) is not.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
'Does my kid have to stay home when he has cold' I asked my friend, a mum of four, early on. 'No.' was her short answer. By now she pretty much ignores colds from any of her children. What she does (and what I do now too) to check if they are really ill, is to whispers 'would you like some ice cream' behind their backs. If they turn around and eagerly pronounce that they would, they are not ill. Simple, and very true. Doesn't mean they don't need a bowl of ice cream and some down time with you. They probably do.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm not fond of seeing elevens of snot on toddlers. In fact I went to see a kindergarten and when I saw most of the kids with the number 11 written under their noses, I was certain this was not the place for my son. It is not so much about cleanliness, or even that snot is like drool on a sheepdog: it's bound to end up somewhere soon. No, it was the lack of caring for them.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Things are lot easier now that the colds have slowed down and he is able to blow his own nose, aged 4. Well... Sort of. Almost. Nearly. On one such nearly-done-it-myself occasion I spotted a big bogey had ended up his cheek, and quick as the wind - we were in fine company - I mopped it up with a clean tissue which I tossed in the bin. All this in a nanosecond. This resulted in a spectacular melt down of the surprising sort: 'Puttit back! Mummy, put it back!' Well, I didn't.<br />
<br />
Oh and if you feel a sneeze coming on and you want to provoke: look into a bright light.<br />
If you feel it coming and you don't, just press the tip of your tongue into the roof of your mouth.<br />
<br />
That's it. That's what I have learned. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-59181382832585503412015-09-26T17:06:00.002+01:002015-09-26T17:32:24.648+01:00Sometimes I'm not so sure<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2VK7DkC-THqv85PP65yiufFU344u_clxzxgk5aj4dhk5LX63jugKu7HefW_Z1qzL2GWtXS6XDfycWTIwX0MqHYI-umdEnEH0NcMm4rtaIPtXw-uMFbQYjklkm_KRNQZjylgXpSuvKXgo/s640/blogger-image-1462288641.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2VK7DkC-THqv85PP65yiufFU344u_clxzxgk5aj4dhk5LX63jugKu7HefW_Z1qzL2GWtXS6XDfycWTIwX0MqHYI-umdEnEH0NcMm4rtaIPtXw-uMFbQYjklkm_KRNQZjylgXpSuvKXgo/s320/blogger-image-1462288641.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
I tell my son many times every day that I love him. Especially when we snuggle.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I add 'I love you when you sing, when you shout, when you eat. I love you all the time!' And for laughs I add 'I love you when you fart, and I love you when you poo. I love you always!' He loves the notion and the affirmation. So I try to come up with new combinations and situations. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'I love you when I tell you off. When I say (for the hundredth time) 'Digger! <i>Pleeease</i>.... Just <i>put</i> on your shoes now. We are running late.<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">'' Not a very conducive sentence I know. (Running where? Mummy never runs - or only when chased. Late?! For what??) But the reaction is common and human. </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That didn't compute. He looked up at me. Puzzled. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'Really? When you are crossed?!'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'Yes. I always love you. Even when I am angry. Or annoyed.'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'Mummy, sometimes I am not so sure...' </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Outch. I'm glad he said it. It hurts. It's a wake up call. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We can't stay connected all the time. And I am only human. I tire. I stress. I loose my patience.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That's not his fault. I'm ashamed that he would think it made him less lovable. But it is not rocket science if he did. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Instead of just acknowledging his feelings with a look, perhaps a touch, a nod, but mainly silence - because he has just said something important and painful - I immediately launched into </div>
<div>
'Oh darling but I do!! Always .... bla bla bla blaaaaa'. As usual I was trying to be reassuring. Yet all I really did was letting him know that there was no space for feeling like that. At best. At worst it suggested he was wrong in feeling like that. And surely he did know best how he felt. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I do the same to my husband when he complains about something at work. 'Oh he probably didn't mean it like that.' Not a great conversation opener. Neither is 'Gosh... Why would she do such a thing to you? She sounds like she really stressed out. Poor her.' Yep. I say a lot of unhelpful things to both my men.<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-19105938926421736072015-09-25T15:32:00.001+01:002015-09-25T17:47:00.971+01:0020 seconds<div>
Mindfulness. It's bloody everywhere isn't it. I tire of the word and the pressure it applies of smooth perfection and graceful presence. In<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> clean minimalist homes. Smug. </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yet I'm curious. And I freely admit - as I have done here many times - that I could do with a dose of slowing down to check in with all my senses. I'm a better mum and wife when I do. I stress less when I remember to slow down. And so I snap less, yell less, rush less, burn the toast less, cut my fingers less. And so on. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So when I came across the idea of just looking your loved one in the eye for 20 seconds I was intrigued. I do that all I the time I thought. Truth is I don't. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">20 seconds is no time at all. Or just right. Or very very long. Definitely can be too long. </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Keep the gaze. Leave the world around. Just be. Right here. Right now. Connect. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Larry Cohen talks of eye love. Of holding that loving gaze. Of the flow and deep sense of belonging that springs from it. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The gaze. We do it when we are in love. Mothers and fathers do it with their children. Babies do it with their parents. </div>
<div>
And they turn away when they have had enough. Wonderfully clear message of 'Fanks but no fanks.' If not 'Buzz off.' <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Which of course can leave us feel rejected. Unhappily in love. Unfulfilled. Unconnected. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">So powerful is giving or withholding eye contact. So aggressive. So loving. So calming. So needy. So personal. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">What do you see? </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Look your child in the eyes every day. </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I'm guilty of forgetting that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Look your spouse in the eyes. Every day. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I'm guilty of forgetting that too. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Stopping to look. Not to look at. Just to look. </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It is so simple. And such a lovely way of slowing down. </div>
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Try it ... </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What did you think? </div>
<div>
How did it feel? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What did you see? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-30054847356028578092015-08-05T12:53:00.000+01:002015-09-07T17:08:03.318+01:00I'm excited!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMAKtwYN8ppkIcvViv0xCPfutmMYO21x9Z5BgG93jG54SHf7pzBJCSkMWkTWMhE6gZSGClzkZ94_B6xAaadXiErtengw3swC1OikPi8gE8N6a73OyQCtnuHqA9rlC0FiQCeF4H3x3hRTh/s640/blogger-image-766719698.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMAKtwYN8ppkIcvViv0xCPfutmMYO21x9Z5BgG93jG54SHf7pzBJCSkMWkTWMhE6gZSGClzkZ94_B6xAaadXiErtengw3swC1OikPi8gE8N6a73OyQCtnuHqA9rlC0FiQCeF4H3x3hRTh/s640/blogger-image-766719698.jpg" /></a></div>
It's a good way of expressing it. And I know why he chooses to say so. But I think that is only part of the story.<br />
<br />
Too loud. Too quick. Too much.<br />
<br />
I see he is wired. I see dysregulation.<br />
<br />
In an earlier blog I wrote about <a href="http://diggerdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/digger-in-playground-on-respect-of.html" target="_blank">Digger in the playground</a>. As a parent I definitely let him try his abilities more than other parents I met outside, well... and inside for that matter. Some may even say I'm an irresponsible parent. But I see his concentration and focus. I see a wicked sense of balance in a small bundle of muscles. He is not reckless, or indeed fearless. He is brave, strong, exploring the world around him and himself in it, as he is supposed to do. Curious to find out how his body works, and how much he is able to do. And I love looking on from the sideline.<br />
<br />
As a parent it is my job to pick him up and kisses his bruises when he falls. And encourage him, when he is ready, to get back on the horse. It is my job to follow him. Not to push. To follow.<br />
<br />
Or so I thought.<br />
<br />
Recently, I have seen something new in my son. He gets too excited. He had a couple of quite major falls recently. And they happened when he was hyper. Too excited.<br />
<br />
In the minutes before his falls, I was uncomfortable with the situation. I overrode my feeling, just repeating my playground mantra 'If he dares, so do I.' But in all honesty this felt different. I felt his anxiety. He was scared.<br />
<br />
It's one thing to keep my own cool, not letting him feel my nerves. I try very hard to response calmly to him, also or especially in emergencies. I try so hard not to add a sense of emergency by rushing and shouting 'WATCH OUT!' etc.<br />
<br />
But I have to admit it is quite another to sense his anxiety, and then to realise it is time to stop.<br />
<br />
It's about a limit, I thought was clear cut, but I suddenly realised the goal post had moved.<br />
<br />
So now I step in.<br />
<br />
'It's time for a break/snack/cuddle, my heart. Let's got to sit down.'<br />
<br />
'I can tell, you are getting too excited. So the risk of you falling and hurting yourself is much bigger. I am keeping you safe.'<br />
<br />
Some cool skate dudes we met recently, told me exactly that. 'If you press yourself too hard, that's when you get <i>really</i> hurt. Never press yourself too hard.' Wise words from a teenager.<br />
<br />
So I took the young skater's lesson, and I stopped my son before he got too wound up. He was doing some increasingly risky stuff, and I stepped in. He complained a lot. But it worked. Soon he was calm again, was ready to have another go. And there were no accidents.<br />
<br />
He had barely opened his eyes the next morning when he asked if he could go skateboarding again. The second thing he said was 'Mummy, can you please make sure I don't fall?' In other words, he got it too. I was keeping him safe.<br />
<br />
This may all be blindly obviously to you, the silent reader, but to me this is a real shift in perception. I never needed to step in like this before. Yes, to keep him safe, but he would generally know his limits. The new thing for me is that when he get overexcited, he doesn't feel those limits anymore.<br />
<br />
And it happens more and more often.<br />
<br />
I wonder at lot about where this is coming from. Perhaps it is just age appropriate - he can do more, and I trust his ability to do more too - but I sense there is more to it.<br />
<br />
Sure, it is about dysregulation and regulation. I'm just surprised at the amount of regulation I am having to do at the moment. I wonder where the unsettling feeling in him is coming from.<br />
I've had some issues in my family. And my husband has a nasty accident. We haven't been as emotionally available lately. We've been worried about other stuff.<br />
<br />
But we live with a 105 cm tall emotional sponge. He feels our worries. And it worries him. So we gotta get a grip. On us and on him.<br />
<br />
At the moment it seems we cannot give him enough 1:1 time.<br />
<br />
If we do not respond to him at first enquiry, he just repeats his request for attention, again and again and again and again and again. As most children would. And then he will move on to shouting. SHOUTING!!! If it is a full on escalation he will only communicate in 100+ decibels.<br />
<br />
'Sweetheart, I cannot hear what you are saying when you are shouting.'<br />
<br />
The whole regulation thing definitely starts with acknowledging him. And he will go and go and go until he get the attention he needs. Attachment-seeking indeed.<br />
<br />
As Bryan Post says: 'It's not a problem. It's an opportunity.' To learn. Hell yeah. Always.<br />
<br />
That our new motto. And it makes us laugh nearly every time. Never a dull moment...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-82535180289654697092015-07-29T20:49:00.003+01:002015-08-05T11:15:31.966+01:00Sleeping arrangements – there’s a toddler in the room!‘Is he a good sleeper?’ a friend asked me soon after our son
moved in with us.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Oh, quite good, I think. Last night he only woke five
times.’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She laughed. She’s a mother of four. ‘Welcome to
motherhood.’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first year or so Digger woke a lot during the night. Five,
six, seven, eight times. Every night. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tended to the nightly call outs, mostly because I woke and
Pierre didn’t. But then come morning, I would be cream crackered. So Pierre
would get up with Digger. Before the crack of dawn.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even after such a broken night’s sleep Digger would wake around
5.30am. That gave daddy the time to play with him for a good hour or two,
before he set off for work. Leaving me to catch up with sleep. Digger himself
caught up at his two daily naps. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Especially the mid-morning one was lovely for us both. I
often joined him for a nap. Either on the sofa or on the parental big bed. Him
in the nook of my arm. Super bonding time. I did so after the sound advice
given to me by my sister: sleep when baby sleeps. This as opposed to stressing
out over how to make the most of the time he was out for the count. Should I
read a book? A magazine? The newspaper? Or call a friend? Make a cuppa
tea? Iron? Write a letter? Check emails? Shop online for baby stuff? Oh the choices!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Before I know it,’ I told myself, ‘he will have outgrown
his daytime naps. And I will miss them.’ And indeed I do miss the naps, and
holding a sleeping baby.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was so relieved when I heard that Digger slept in a cot in
his foster mum’s room. That was exactly what we did and still do. We live in a
ramshackle Victoria terraced house, where it’s just not possible to have his
bedroom on the same floor as ours. And trekking up and down the stairs all
night long is not something I would enjoy. We have a super-sized cot, hand-me-down from a
friend. One that even I fit into. Knees bend but still. One he can probably
sleep in till he is 5.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t see how I or Pierre, or Digger for that matter,
would have survived the first year, had he not slept in the same room as us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To this day Digger still calls out an occasional nocturnal ‘Mummy….?
Daddy….?’ No longer as urgently as in the beginning. Some calls may even be
speaking in his sleep. Like last night when he asked if he could have some ice
cream for his bike.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I often hear him rustle the sheets; I peek and see his
little silhouette. He is sitting up. He’s checking that we are still there.
After a while he lies down again. And falls back to sleep.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love the sound of his and my husband’s slow, regular
breathing. It calms me. And sends me back to sleep.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s easier to see the progress towards all night sleeping
looking back. That first year was hard for us all. But we took his lead. I tried a
couple of times to walk out of the room just for a sec, - to get him used slowly to me not being there. He broke down almost immediately. It broke my heart
to hear his grief and fear. It took forever to calm him down again. Somehow
this unlocked memories of my own. Of my own mother, getting annoyed with me for
not falling asleep. Not unlike the book with the memorable title ‘Go the f***
to sleep!’ I remember her gritted teeth, and my own fear. Hmmm. Let’s try
something else. To be the parent I needed back then. Not permissive, just
empathic and trusting him to let me know what he needs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we abandoned sleep training before we even got started.
We didn’t have the heart or stomach for it. For all we cared it was utterly
counter productive too. We stuck with a slow routine of bath (now optional),
cream, bottle of warm milk, books, songs and stories. Finally, <a href="http://diggerdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/in-his-bed.html" target="_blank">a short goodnight poem</a>. Full on 1:1 time with a hand over<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from parent 1 to parent 2 in the middle. Milk and stories
would be administered on our bed, still he was properly out. Then, and only
then, could he be decanted into his own bed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We reconciled ourselves that just like walking, when he was
ready he would let go of our hands so to speak. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was most definitely the quicker way to settle him, and
after a while it led to uninterrupted nights sleep. Which they have remained
ever since, but for the odd hick up in case of illness or such.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Overall bed times have become shorter and easier, especially
since he dropped the daytime naps. 30 mins all in. Sometimes quicker. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About a year ago he started to ask to go to ‘little bed', to
fall asleep. Usually that’s how we do it now. Except for some nights, after days
of big emotions, or just if he is especially tried; then he falls asleep in our
arms on our bed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He can fall asleep in his own bed, on his own, albeit still with
us in the room. He nestles into his pillow, with a smile on his face. Eyes
closed. Soon after he is gone. To the arms of morpheus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No longer closing his eyes as he falls asleep, like a baby
would. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He can close his eyes to fall asleep.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now he definitely is a good sleeper.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-9570509317285484102015-07-23T22:51:00.000+01:002015-07-28T16:25:23.466+01:00Dropping the diaper (a short ode to a small man’s underpants)<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh93c8Wppednc3hVBKlmRiKyFaAULbfMzAaqHJWWDv2JzfZKUTFv72i1FwHVgErplDlLYmo7pEkjFw4HSEbimTAv6_s5SO7nXWL7KfOxNS8Z_lQqpeXIKnLUWUq06H3HuaYTnQa6oA44c4_/s640/blogger-image-748364023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh93c8Wppednc3hVBKlmRiKyFaAULbfMzAaqHJWWDv2JzfZKUTFv72i1FwHVgErplDlLYmo7pEkjFw4HSEbimTAv6_s5SO7nXWL7KfOxNS8Z_lQqpeXIKnLUWUq06H3HuaYTnQa6oA44c4_/s320/blogger-image-748364023.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love my son’s underpants. Cute, clean and easy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love this new silhouette too. He looks taller
without the bum padding. More grown up. It’s a proportion thing. Slim hips and
bubble bum.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://diggerdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/ode-to-toddlers-diaper.html" target="_blank">I thought I would miss diapers</a>, even blogged about it. Truth is: I don’t. We both just moved on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Predictably, the washing machine runs more often. And he
still needs night-time diapers. But I reckon not for long.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end, he dropped the diaper aged 3 1/2. I did manage
to wonder whether he would ever loose it. I noticed that often he was the
oldest boy, or even the only boy in diapers. And so did others, mothers in
particular... Sometimes I felt stressed about him still being in diapers, when
no one else seemed to be. I even started to worry that he wouldn't be able to
start preschool in September, because they insists that the children should be potty
trained to start. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I just had to be patient. Let him drop the diaper when
he was ready. And he wasn’t. Till he was. He had a couple of false starts,
which lead to accidents, which he hated, so back in diapers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until one day… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘I like my underpants. They feel good.’ <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now if he wets the night-time diaper he cannot get out of it
quickly enough. Not long ago he even said ‘Don’t worry mummy, I’ll just wee in
my diaper.’ In answer to whether or not he needed to visit the loo before a
long car journey. In fact, just the other day when facing a 2-hour car journey
he did suggest he could wear a diaper. I said he probably didn’t need it, but I
admire his thinking.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I finally gave away two un-opened packs of diapers.
And two potties, a small travelling potty and two children's seats. He never really got
into of these gimmicks, graduating straight to balancing on the big loo.
‘Ticky’ as he calls is, in his trademark no-'r' speak.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I knew I wouldn’t want to hurry him. I learned quickly that
pushing the issue was completely counter productive. This is his body. Not mine
to train. Despite his incredible physical abilities (more on that another time) and the fact he is very advanced in other areas, he still needs to be a baby many times a day. We bottle feed twice a day. 3 years into adoption, he still needs it. We are still playing catch up on the first 10 months we weren't there. I think the diaper fits into this pattern too. Advances in other areas of his life and skills, always seems to be accompanied by a strong need to be babied. Forcing or even just suggesting to grow up is just not the way forward. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘NO!!!’ he’d shout with ear splitting force, if I ask once
too much whether he need to go to the loo. I can accurately tell about 5 mins
before he can. I can only suggest he goes. And only
once. It’s about balancing respect and helping him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It infuriates him if I ask him in front of other people.
Especially if I press the issue. ‘Are you sure you don't have to go??!’ is as
disrespectful as it comes for a 3, 10, 14 or 30 years old. ‘No!’ is a great
reminder that I have overstepped it as an eager mum. Well, fair enough. So we
have agreed that I whisper the question. Once. Usually I don’t need to. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is only one come back to his NO!, and that is ‘Okay.’ Said
not in the patronising way of a mother who knows better, but in the accepting,
trusting voice. There are times, when I
find the line a between the two a blur and he know exactly which side of the
fence I come down on. He so has my number. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Just let me know when you are ready.’ </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are times when I have to remind him. Because he hates
wetting himself. It's embarrassing. So he needs a little help. For instance if he is engrossed in something, so engrossed he may
forget. Then I ask him in my mothertongue or whisper in his ear: ‘Let’s go to have a
wee. If we do it now you can<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> play longer afterwards.’ That is my most effective sentence.
Along with ‘I wonder whether there are any plants that would like watering in
the garden…’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Usually though, I just have to trust him. He thrives and grows on the trust.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Slow down, mummy. Slow down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I came across a couple really helpful articles at the time
about potty training<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by the paediatric urologist, Dr Steve Hodges. <a href="http://www.parents.com/blogs/toddlers-kids/2015/04/22/health/7-crazy-important-rules-for-potty-training-success/" target="_blank">This one at parent.com </a>and <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steve-hodges-md/potty-training_b_1424826.html?ref=tw" target="_blank">this one in the huff post</a>. He also wrote <a href="http://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/#!27-Untruths-About-Bedwetting/ckq8/5511a8c60cf21d84af501d89" target="_blank">this nice one on bed wetting</a>. The right kind of articles at the right time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-50302006828607231802015-05-07T16:53:00.000+01:002015-07-29T18:44:41.960+01:00Settling in to NurseryThis week is the second week that Digger is going to a
playgroup, which he will eventually go to without me. He’s doing great. Enjoying
himself and everyone there. But even though it is only 4-5 hours twice a week,
it is knackering. For him and for me. He has massive meltdowns afterwards, and
there are many, many tears.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So far we have kept him close. At home. With us or his child
minder, who he loves and who loves him. But he will need to start getting
socialised a bit more. Says who exactly? Yeah, right. Well, I’m going by his
interest in other kids, and increased ability to be play by himself/venture
away from us. He has wanted us, mummy, daddy and child minder close for the
past 2+ year. But he is getting ready for a wider world. Slowly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I left him with the group, just for 20 mins. Totally
planned. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I did so I saw that look in his eyes. He didn’t say
anything, but I recognise it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Will you come back?’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course. It’s clear to all that I will. But not to him. It
breaks my heart, that there is still this fundamental doubt that we, as a family, are forever. The fear of abandonment is still so close to the surface. To him settling
in may even feel a lot like transition for placement, as the new carers take
over more and more of the daily care for him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I came back after my short outing all had gone very
well. Well of course it had. He was on best behaviour. Polite and protected
by manners. But it took one minor incident, I forget what, and he was in tears. Minutes after I returned. Sobbing and smearing snot into my jumper. For a very long time. I let him cry
it out in my arms. After which he was right as rain again. And then it happened
again. And again after we left the group. Tears and snot, followed by smiles
and engagement.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That said, part of me is relieved that he can show his
sadness to readily. Better out than in, say I.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once home we flopped on the sofa for some Cbeebies. This was
all there was energy for. Sitting close with cups of tea and water. In near silence.
We don’t really watch a lot of TV, but this was clearly what the doctor
ordered.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All this I had expected. What I hadn’t was my own reaction.
It has completely triggered my own sadness, most surprisingly from the time of
transition. The sadness of taking him from this fostermum, the sadness of what
had brought him to be adopted, that he was not with his birth family. And the
sadness I felt on him over the weeks just after. At the time these feeling
existed completely in unison with/parallel to my over-the-moon happiness with
our beautiful boy. This time, however, there is more space for the sadness to surface.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today, I talked to the carers as the kids were playing
outside with another carer. Carers, who could not be more understanding and
nurturing. I told them that I could see his anxiety, and that the fear of
separation, in his case was more like fear of abandonment. Fundamentally separation
means something else to him than to you and me. I now see that so clearly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While explaining this to them, I found myself with a big lump in my
throat and a big knot in my tummy. Some of this is Digger’s anxiety, and me
feeling for him. But some of it is mine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Obviously, I’ve got homework to do for this settling in. It
is not just him who has to get ready. I need to work this one out. For myself.
I have to learn to show him that I have trust in him, that I can take his
outbursts, that I will still be there whenever he needs me. All the while
looking closely at my own feelings in this. Letting go of him. But still
keeping on eye out for him and his needs. It is a difficult balance to strike.
Difficult to read correctly. But basically I need to park my own sadness
somewhere. Once I’ve owed up to it. I know I’m not the first woman or man to
feel like this when starting their child in nursery - add adoption and it all
takes on another level of complexity.</div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m just one of the ones who did it today.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-41604025730489998932015-04-03T03:16:00.000+01:002015-07-29T18:41:03.135+01:00Top tips for long distance travel w a toddler<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzU-NndrpWwh6BNGU10jcS3GrqC-TXEIhnp14cDwakt9hUpW1IHH9DbqZaq3OFLKDEELobSwEfY2wPnRRVrEIrNuyBSebIMr5H9np55kweeAuOFNAAaueXS1DsOEoAraI1dUnSU79pkT74/s640/blogger-image--560928717.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzU-NndrpWwh6BNGU10jcS3GrqC-TXEIhnp14cDwakt9hUpW1IHH9DbqZaq3OFLKDEELobSwEfY2wPnRRVrEIrNuyBSebIMr5H9np55kweeAuOFNAAaueXS1DsOEoAraI1dUnSU79pkT74/s640/blogger-image--560928717.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Each year since Digger moved in we have been travelling to see Pierre's family. It takes almost two days to get there, so we stay for a fortnight in Grandmama's house. </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We just did our third trip with Digger, who is now 3 1/2</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. Here's is what I have learned over the past three trips. Much of it is advice from parents and carers, who have passed on their best advice. If you have any ideas to add to this list, please do add them in the comments below or otherwise let me know. :) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here goes my top 19 tips.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Before you go...</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">#1 Preparation is everything</span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Tell you kid you will be travelling. Map it out. In words. In drawing. Whatever way you normally tell your kid that something new - and quite possibly unsettling - is about to happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That said, this year we made the mistake of telling Digger too early. Two and half weeks before. S</span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">o ... Every. Single. Day. We have been over the travel itenary. <i>How many sleeps til Grandmama's house? </i>A week would have been plenty - pleeenty ! - of waning for a three-year-old.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"># 2 Warn the kid about possible travel stress</span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I warn Digger at the latest on the day of travel of the probability of stress will be going UP. I say something like : <i>Ok my little heart, mummy and daddy are going to be stressed while we pack. We will rush around looking for stuff. We might say things like: </i>Digger hurry hurry<i>. Shoes on. Where's your bunny? Digger where is your cocktail umbrella?</i> And so on. We make fun of it. </span><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">W</i><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">e all rush around hurrying each other. </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We may put socks on our head while saying </span><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I can't find my socks... Where the are socks?? Has anyone seen my socks?! </i><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It worked a treat this year. Digger didn't get unsettled by us dashing about and stress levels rising. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But then again packing up to go home, it didn't work as well. We forgot to involve him properly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">#3 Make a list of what to pack</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">One of the things I stress most about is forgetting essentials. So sometimes I write it all down. Or try to. This really helped when Digs was little and needed a caravan of stuff - formula milk, diapers, special toys etc. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Nevertheless I always always forget something. I reassure myself that I am likely to forget something. And that that is ok. Usually we are going to place where they have diapers and food. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">#4 Start packing well in advance </span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I start a couple of days before. It truly cuts down on things I'm likely to forget, and adds to the things I do bring.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">#5 Get the kid involved in the preparations</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We drag out the suitcases together from their hide away. Digger loves hiding in them. We put a coloured ribbon on the outside so we can recognise it when it comes round on the bagage carousel. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I ask him about which clothes he would like to bring. For instance I might say : <i>Would you like to bring the red or the blue trousers?</i> Holding both pairs up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We pack his little rucksack together. Here Digs will be in charge. </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This year we brought:</span><br />
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A couple of small books</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A selection of cars (4-5 hotwheels, a bus, a match box digger and a dump truck and a duplo car)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A few duplo blocks</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A tiny book for drawing in + colour pencils</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1-2 soft toys (we choose bed time softies)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Post its</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Some cotton wool</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A piece of string</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A small giraffe</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A new reusable pad and special water brush, which reveals colour when wet. Nest. No mess. </span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In addition I brought a few things in the diaper bag:</span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A sticker book (Frozen. Don't ask)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The iPad</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A few more books</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#6 Bring something that spells home</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We bring at least:</span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bunny, definitely bunny. When Digger was little we took Bunny, plus a back up bunny incase we lost the first. Which we did once or twice</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">1-2 current favourite bedtime soft toys</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">2-3 current favourite bedtime stories</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">2 big scarfs of mine</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">His pillow and duvet. This was great when he was wee, but now it is just too much stuff to carry.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The scarfs doubles up as small blankets. They are soft and smell of mum. Scarfs and soft toys usually makes for a much better night's sleep or kip on the plane.</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<span style="color: #134f5c;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">#7 Bring more Diapers than you think you might need</span></b></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Be prepared for a lot of moisture. Going in and coming out. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I calculate a good amount of diapers. Then I take double that number. Even though they may have diapers at the end destination, you don't want to get caught out. Like in Spain during siesta. If your plane is delayed.... </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We took 12 on our eight-hour flight. This year we used one. But last year we used nine before we got our suitcases back.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">#8 Bring minimum one change of clothes for everyone in your travel party</span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This is especially true if your fellow traveller is under two and likely to be sitting on your lap a lot. Take it from a dad who got wee-ed on two hours into an eight-hour flight. I took said advice and have been grateful for the change of clothes on trips when Digs was 1 and 2. This year we got off with one set only for all of us.</span></div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once in the airport...</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#9 Squeeze as much energy out of your tot as possible</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I make my son walk. And run. And jump. All the way to the plane if I can. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I trick him to run from window to window to spot planes and diggers and what not. I go up and down escalators. Same ones if I need to. Trying not to care about people staring.</span> <span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I play lots of 'red light, green light' (red light = stop/freeze, green = go, go, go). And when I am out of fuel and if my husband I also travelling I hand Digs over for some invigorated energy squeeze. </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once onboard ...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Opportunities for excercise will be severely limited on board. But even there we take walks. When Digger first learnt to walk we had him walk back and forth between us - the game was to be silent or whispering. Only we would gesticulate as if shouting. This of course we had been practising in the weeks leading up to the travels. </span></div>
<div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>#10 Consider separate seats </b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pierre and I try to get seats a parts from each other. Two seats for Digger and one adult and another seat somewhere else. That way one of us can watch a film or catch up on sleep.That way we can take effective turns with our little man. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That said we do enjoy a row of three seats if we can get them. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#11 Locate packed snacks</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Easy ones all the way. My favorites are:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Water</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Ellas. We love Ella's (very good regulators on the bowel movements too while abroad)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Bars and crisps in their own wrappers </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Fruit and veg if you can. Cut up in small containers work well</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">But don't overfeed. Travel sickness is more likely on a full stomach. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#12 Offer drink or chewy stuff during take off and landing</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Drinking or eating during take off and landing will help levitate the pressure on the small ears. If you little one is still bottle feeding, ask the flight attendants to heat a bit of milk/formula for you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#13 Think of activities you can do while sitting down - lots of them</b></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I aim to have a mental list of 1-2 things to do per hour. </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Low tech games work really well. Here are some of our favourites:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Nursery rhymes work as background noise levels on a plane are notorious high and you can sign while you sit very close. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Post its - stick them to you kid - you can even number them and ask him to find them all. That has worked every year since we first flew with Digs.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The box! I found an old small u box, cut a slot in it (approx. large enough for a £1). I then searched the house for things that could go into it. Coins, spare buttons, pieces of foam, papers etc. It's ok with some pieces are too big for the slot, eg. pieces of papers that would need to be folded to go in. This year Digger spent nearly a full hour doing it.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Sticker books</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#14 Bring surprises</b> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We add some to Digger's back pack, when he is not looking. </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And I keep a good few in my bag. </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I try to bring more surprises that I think I will need. </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This year it was the post its (again), the iPad and a sticker book. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#15 Under no circumstances - what so ever - ever bring a noisy toy or a musical instrument</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It will ruin it for everyone. Just don't. </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>#16 Invest in a </b></span><b style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">set of </b><b style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">comfortable kiddie ear phones </b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Just like for adults this transforms screen time. And hey oh you can even understand what they are saying on the screen! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #134f5c;">#17 Make maximum use of Screen Time</span> </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We load up the iPad with new surprise apps - more on good apps in another blog. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We completely deprived Digger of any sort of screen time for two weeks leading up to our holiday. So he was a happy camper with a screen. For about an hour. On an eight-hour flight Diggers still need a lot of 1:1 time. And lots of interaction. Digger is no where near being able to watch a full feature length film on his own. So ... those days of enjoying airplane movies are long gone for us.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once you arrive...</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>#18 Get a hotel</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you have any distance to go from the airport to your end destination, it really pays off getting a hotel in or near the airport. Much better than arriving frazzled. Especially at the family. Or anywhere else where you all have to be on best behaviour. Sleep and wake up to breakfast. Then travel. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>#19</b> <b>Expect to be exhausted</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That takes the sting out of it for me. And I always feel it's gone much better than I thought it would. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As a friend one said <i>Holiday with a child is just going somewhere else - less convenient.</i> There is some truth in that. But only some.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Bon voyage!</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-28128693822282903912015-03-18T15:14:00.000+00:002015-03-20T20:05:46.914+00:00Digger in the playground - on respect for design and letting go<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWO3OLDXA4I_5f_Aa4Q4F0SONAHdtYpOwQuP13B7gpYVnnVxj1Ucn9O67xjWS3jf8IT71yzYDAHPUyAxvts00kW_U9gN45TPYISvqTiOd3_QwRWhOWPfwEiwjF3opORPmhyTyjtPLfexKr/s1600/kompan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWO3OLDXA4I_5f_Aa4Q4F0SONAHdtYpOwQuP13B7gpYVnnVxj1Ucn9O67xjWS3jf8IT71yzYDAHPUyAxvts00kW_U9gN45TPYISvqTiOd3_QwRWhOWPfwEiwjF3opORPmhyTyjtPLfexKr/s1600/kompan.jpg" /></a></div>
I have a new-found respect for playground design. Not just
the overall functionality and range of stuff, of the design and placement of
the benches – all of which is so much better and more varied than what I grew up with.<br />
<br />
No… I am beginning to see just how much thought went into the actual design.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It’s obvious. I just hadn't quite appreciated how clever it all is before. For
instance the wonderful climbing frames of ropes are set a specific distance at ground level. You’ve simply got to be say 120cm before you can climb into the
higher and more challenging part of the frame. The ropes there are set much
closer, so they are easier to manoeuvre.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I try my hardest to give Digger free reigns at the
playground. And now this stand back approach pays dividend: I can actually have
a few conversations with the usual suspect parents there. Like yesterday,
chatting away, and sudden I saw my son peeking up at the top of a huge ship. He
had mastered a steep tricky climb up the side of it. On his own.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since Digger arrived, I have tried to stand
back, but stay close. Sorry mum, but one of the real yokes I carry from my
childhood is her shriek followed by some quick tempo’ed chant of ‘be careful,
careful, careful, gentle, come back, that’s too high, come down, get out, WATCH
OUT, be careful, careful, you might slip, oh you will slip, oh careful, you’re
slipping’ etc. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me there is only one message in this. I hear : 'I don't
trust you.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I heard: 'I don't trust you to know what you are capable of'. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it never failed to
unsettle me. I got nervous, and then, yes, I might have slipped. Which I might not
otherwise have done, had I not absorbed my mother’s fear. Genuine fear. But it
was hers to hold. Not mine. I almost get angry now if she does the same to
Digger. Usually it is in situations where I have calculated the risk (as much
as I ever can), and I have reached my own verdict that Digger knows what he is
doing. No need to interfere. In fact just the opposite. I need to show that I
trust him and his abilities.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But she is not alone of course in this approach. I hear this
from so many other parents, carers and passers by. They shriek and raise their
arms, they may even grab hold of Digger, and remove him. I have yet to come up
with a sentence where I can tell them – politely – that I am still in charge,
but most importantly that Digger is completely competent, to make his own
mistakes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In fact I want Digger to fall, trip, bang his knees etc. I’d
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">much</i> rather he does that now, from
40cm height than from 4m high up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyqf36vWiNld05VGYftEsiiHyxqoXdWcIJvbq0aOUQU7wh6Y1sfQR6lInBx3KDOnuTtWVi8kM6mmlKVxtTLQmMLJylWUGkE9YnDt6a0fOeObMBlM4gd5Lt50CpJauYNPC7qIpiAojDIddr/s1600/kompan+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyqf36vWiNld05VGYftEsiiHyxqoXdWcIJvbq0aOUQU7wh6Y1sfQR6lInBx3KDOnuTtWVi8kM6mmlKVxtTLQmMLJylWUGkE9YnDt6a0fOeObMBlM4gd5Lt50CpJauYNPC7qIpiAojDIddr/s1600/kompan+2.jpg" /></a></div>
Moreover, <span style="text-align: center;">I am convinced that his physical confidence is also
psychological confidence. And with a sidewards-glance at some recent research from
University of Cambridge amongst others, his joy</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; text-align: center;"> of exploring
what he is physically capable of will stand him well in school. Free-play is
by some hailed to be a good measure for academic success. I feel that Digger’s
true confidence is also key in his sense of self, and that is paramount
to me, as his mum.</span></div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I asked two of my friends - whose kids stand out to me particular good at head stands, football and climbing - what it is they do when their kids
do things that may seem dangerous. How they as parents manage not to transfer
their anxiety onto their kids?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Independently they both answered: ‘Sometimes you just have to look
away.’ It’s a great answer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another thing I tell myself if I am in doubt is: ‘If he dares, so do I.’</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All this within reason of course. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do step in sometimes, if necessary. Invariably that is
when he is worked up, overtired, geared up etc. Then I need to calm him down.
Often touch is enough to bring him down a notch or two. But sometimes the only
option is leaving the activity/space. This is especially if there are spats with
other children – more on this another time….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If Digger fall – and he often does – I’ve got to be there
for the aftermath. Ready with a big soothing cuddle, lots of kisses – if he
indicates that’s what’s needed. But more often than not just acknowledging I
saw what happened seems to be enough for him. He seeks eye contact, to see if I noticed. I might wince and say ‘Outch! Are you ok?’ and
that seems to do the trick. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve recently started carrying a small set of first aid with
me. Some antiseptic wipes and Band-Aids sort of thing. So far I’ve used them on
other kids in the playground. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At night when we bath him, we check him over for bruises and
grazes. And there are many. The majority on his lower legs. He leads a hard
life. But we hope to ease it with a bit of cream and cuddles. There certainly
seems to be no stopping him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m really proud of him for all his physical energy and
bravery. And I know he knows his limits, many of them anyway. For instance, he will be careful, if I
don’t interject. And if I say ‘Digger, that is too high. That really makes me nervous. You could get seriously hurt if you fall. Can you please come down
again?’ He will. Depending on my own emotional state, I will have made him
nervous or even scared by saying so. In these situations I then have created something where I might need to step in and
help him down. 1-0 to mum on freaking out. Usually I help by talking through how to get down. Cause he probably lost his nerve too. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6h4GJNaDogmLd0nBacUOUePQie2bLxHf5AkI2YRPpJSEgRkdswC0ToSCj2j-JVETfOHQRj4t1qAcWaEwUaRRUIEKqiTqt1lNOVtjxnbPl5k4Vd_v_zus9rr286xT_qXMVRs5jK4BtQlhb/s1600/kompan+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6h4GJNaDogmLd0nBacUOUePQie2bLxHf5AkI2YRPpJSEgRkdswC0ToSCj2j-JVETfOHQRj4t1qAcWaEwUaRRUIEKqiTqt1lNOVtjxnbPl5k4Vd_v_zus9rr286xT_qXMVRs5jK4BtQlhb/s1600/kompan+3.jpg" /></a>Digger seems only to get into sticky situations like that if I have
helped him up over a barrier that he was too small to tackle himself. Herein
lies my new-found respect. Who ever designed all this was way ahead of
parents, well of me anyway. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The lesson I take from the playground designer is this: Don’t help you kid up
past the point they can get to themselves. If you do, be prepared for the
consequences.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And what has this got to do with adoption? Everything. First
and foremost I can see Digger self-esteem growing when he masters a new skill.
I hope this will feed into a sound sense of self. It is curious and very obvious that he still seems to prefer me nearby. Somewhere within reach. I still can't just sit down with a book. Although I am working on it.<br />
<br />
I try so hard to set
boundaries that he can handle. It’s
not easy, but it is getting easier, to nestle into that mental parenting space of letting go on a background of mutual trust. If I can't quite find the trust in me/him, I rest it all on the designer of the playground equipment. They seem to know what they were doing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-8039069301828898062015-02-28T09:31:00.001+00:002015-03-18T00:00:17.587+00:00Kids in wet weather<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo090YkUyi7qYmrbAssLEyq46iufMbiBOTZHaKjt6t6-g2o0_LYOdPwGpC50m-S8hJqdpRGIUPSr9BaFYKzazmohOPji1Qwrp8JMx3XFZQMPDGjCbABThRQcrQoQ_ZaUOJCmzTKJVWyjvH/s1600/IMG_5965.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo090YkUyi7qYmrbAssLEyq46iufMbiBOTZHaKjt6t6-g2o0_LYOdPwGpC50m-S8hJqdpRGIUPSr9BaFYKzazmohOPji1Qwrp8JMx3XFZQMPDGjCbABThRQcrQoQ_ZaUOJCmzTKJVWyjvH/s1600/IMG_5965.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a><br />
<b>Or how to make a waterproof knight</b><br />
<br />
I’m always surprised that we are practically the
only ones in the playground on a wet day. So here’s my bit to encourage
people to go outside in what is seen as bad weather.<br />
It's just bad PR.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wet days are fun days! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Admittedly, only if you are wearing the right gear! Irrespective of physical age.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having a son I have soon learned that it is much like having a big dog, a husky for instance: they need a lot of walking. Min 1 hours outdoors per day I’ve
found, better still 2-3 hours, or longer. Otherwise we are both climbing the walls. Cabinfever sets in early.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
So here is what I learned from my upbringing in the far
north. Not going out to play on a rainy day was not an option, as there were
too many of them!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The real key to stay warm is layering cotton and wool under
waterproofs. A rule of thumb for both kids and adults is 2 layers under the coats
in weather down to 5-0 degree C, 3 layers in sub zero. Minimum 1 of these should be
wool. It’s rare but silk is actually very warm. It sounds extravagant, but if
you can get knitted silk go for it, as an adult it is an investment. I got a
small silk hand-me-down body for Digger when he was 18 months. It worked
wonders and didn’t itch him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><b>Kids</b></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kids Essentials:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>Woolen long sleeved Tee</li>
<li>Woolen long johns or tights</li>
<li>Sweater</li>
<li>Rain coat</li>
<li>Wanders/water proof trousers</li>
<li>Wellies</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The trousers go over the wellies and those little elastic
bands on bottom the trousers go under the wellies. If you then put the coat
over the trousers, then you have created a knight in waterproofs. <o:p></o:p>I’ve seen Digger sit in a puddle up to his waist and remain dry inside.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For toddlers, the all-in-one waterproofs come in very handy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kids optional extras for weather of 5 to -5 degree C:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>Hat</li>
<li>Scarf</li>
<li>Woolen socks</li>
<li>Trousers</li>
<li>Cotton long sleeves Tee</li>
<li>Thin coats</li>
<li>Gloves (although Digger hates them so I've stopped bothering)</li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcQHt-dtJeFM3d1uExYChNvfT7Dw0_rxhko-MxDOyWD7yKpd8yxaCY2-_iFN_lBKoQzQf-d5oTz5TI4nd_AeTffVGQu5GPF_Ha4zLqW0BnJrm_hbASCRDm8jJNj5Xz57MkZsumYM7rqJ2/s1600/IMG_4161.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcQHt-dtJeFM3d1uExYChNvfT7Dw0_rxhko-MxDOyWD7yKpd8yxaCY2-_iFN_lBKoQzQf-d5oTz5TI4nd_AeTffVGQu5GPF_Ha4zLqW0BnJrm_hbASCRDm8jJNj5Xz57MkZsumYM7rqJ2/s1600/IMG_4161.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a>This kind of outfit can be used for kids up to 10 year old. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although it may be
difficult to persuade a girl/boy over 7 into this attire if no one else is wearing this but
toddlers in the playground. That said, it is well worth having full body waterproofs
for any age. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Waterproofs should last kids longer than you yourself are prepared to stay
outdoors. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All this said, I still bring a dry spare
set of clothing for my 3 year old. It only takes one leak from one place to reduce the fun considerably in cold weather.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Warning</i>: it will
take longer than usual to unpack your kid to get to the loo in time. Be prepared for some some temporary set backs if you
are potty training.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Adults</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now all this prep is worthless if you, the adult, is getting cold. So
here’s my tips that should have you snuggly warm while standing in an icy puddle in the
torrential rain for a good hour or 2.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I focus on keeping my feet warm, and have recently
become the owner of the awesome Sorel boots – the four wheel drive of boots. My
long rain coat is also a life saver. With this on I feel like a mummy knight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adult essential:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>WARM FEET in good water proof boots</li>
<li>Long waterproof coat with pockets</li>
<li>Scarf</li>
<li>Layering of cotton and woolen layers</li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adult optional:</div>
<ul>
<li>Hat</li>
<li>Gloves</li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNJAQPfPOAVOkpn_cHgnlj5vweFaBPzDtW5p5FrK2hethPcDU2TR4dAxwnmZi7VZgHlL-quG_mHMZLDzMZCTAO7wb9lNFwzoIxt4RDTzCST9Bh4WIWYvHcYZ9McchdW1HHqiv24Nr6daC4/s1600/IMG_5935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNJAQPfPOAVOkpn_cHgnlj5vweFaBPzDtW5p5FrK2hethPcDU2TR4dAxwnmZi7VZgHlL-quG_mHMZLDzMZCTAO7wb9lNFwzoIxt4RDTzCST9Bh4WIWYvHcYZ9McchdW1HHqiv24Nr6daC4/s1600/IMG_5935.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>What to do?</b></div>
As for what to do in all this wet wet… Gosh… anything!<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cycling/scooting through puddles, jumping in puddles, digging in the mud with
sticks. Nature changes so much from wet to dry. It is great sensory stuff.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All toys that are great in sand are also great in water. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Think bath tub...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Diggers, diggers, diggers.<br />
Scoops, rakes, buckets.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And sticks!<br />
<br />
The great outdoors are fantastic (nearly) No-free zones. It's ok to ram a stick in to the ground, and to shout as loud as you can, to jump in puddles, splashing everywhere, and generally to get really really messy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Expect your kid to get proper muddy. But then again, everything but the kid can go in the washing machine.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi39ODIcIFtbfqJDglrzwJ9ALRPLO4D5gSt9r3R6DaHxzJ8Dj2akpW-BKBp-Kui0C7ZYW6N1AU26ThEw8bIxAMJ5vBpWLblU5jV9TB4yXmBvTc9M0J0feqeh-GeXu2HQbwILGu0ImKJDL1n/s1600/IMG_2158.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi39ODIcIFtbfqJDglrzwJ9ALRPLO4D5gSt9r3R6DaHxzJ8Dj2akpW-BKBp-Kui0C7ZYW6N1AU26ThEw8bIxAMJ5vBpWLblU5jV9TB4yXmBvTc9M0J0feqeh-GeXu2HQbwILGu0ImKJDL1n/s1600/IMG_2158.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The last key is food</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good big bowl of porridge in the morning, and a lovely cup of hot chocolate when back it inside. Enjoyed with red cheeks and a generous dollop of whipped cream.<br />
<br />
These are heavenly memories for me.<br />
<br />
Memories that I am hoping to create for my son too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-74459978323767657062015-02-17T14:27:00.000+00:002015-04-08T16:18:28.196+01:00digger's day in drawing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwAasMAoGCCRbIFH7x1yTsadWlNhzZfTmvBHfz6Nxuj-qQEcLL600baemAOV_vkU8TW8Vr6evZNWRhokZVjPmQEOsAV-mUgXai9P2OCCxLcRXTdAaZTpoWrwSG11fOJ7sgDFFOuYHnw9Vy/s1600/IMG_6304.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwAasMAoGCCRbIFH7x1yTsadWlNhzZfTmvBHfz6Nxuj-qQEcLL600baemAOV_vkU8TW8Vr6evZNWRhokZVjPmQEOsAV-mUgXai9P2OCCxLcRXTdAaZTpoWrwSG11fOJ7sgDFFOuYHnw9Vy/s1600/IMG_6304.jpg" height="280" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Recently, I've started drawing out Digger's days. I thought it may help him keep track of the day. Especially if we are doing something out of the ordinary. It helps if I draw such a new event into the routine of the rest of the day. The version featured here is a simplified, generic version. No play date, no party, and also no screen time, which we have been trying to cut down on. So we drawn no attention to it. (I made the mistake of drawing it on there early on...)<br />
<br />
Usually, we sit down just after breakfast and map the day out. Digger loves it, and it has taught me that even though you might think he leads a quiet life - still at home with me or his childminder - then he leads a very busy life. He has a lot of tasks to get through. Every day.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtjltqLCbr-qpdk306HwCZAfVcJT1WpWHnOdaBc1z9Q3n5s1Nb02qwWRa88yb1RTCF8h4I8tigS7fuwkT9fgAqP2Xn1b1_drakL04oBfmTAJ6YeYRKkJpXEO9oUl1odWgdN279zR2tsb7y/s1600/IMG_6293.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtjltqLCbr-qpdk306HwCZAfVcJT1WpWHnOdaBc1z9Q3n5s1Nb02qwWRa88yb1RTCF8h4I8tigS7fuwkT9fgAqP2Xn1b1_drakL04oBfmTAJ6YeYRKkJpXEO9oUl1odWgdN279zR2tsb7y/s1600/IMG_6293.jpg" height="200" width="173" /></a><br />
I start where we always start: in our parental bed, 'cause that where it all starts. By Digger climbing in to jump on us 'wakey, wakey, morning time morning time!' And so the day commences...<br />
<br />
We make our way down to the kitchen. Some more awake than others.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYofM-dyXcGtk4q_auAMH9b-xa0Rb_SjZCjGjrQ3nt8PbEcpT8Ckl-aQyC6R0njWcwOjMYMat0LQI_VPhKD33CBx6uI7J5yffTbNfRD7t5gG381pVE8Hwy9th8BN3W7mNFKLUZlZmC1oYf/s1600/IMG_6294.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYofM-dyXcGtk4q_auAMH9b-xa0Rb_SjZCjGjrQ3nt8PbEcpT8Ckl-aQyC6R0njWcwOjMYMat0LQI_VPhKD33CBx6uI7J5yffTbNfRD7t5gG381pVE8Hwy9th8BN3W7mNFKLUZlZmC1oYf/s1600/IMG_6294.jpg" height="126" width="200" /></a><br />
<br />
We still bottle feed him. A little man who is learning so much, who is so good at so many things, who is growing so very fast, and has had the start in life that he has, needs to be little and helpless too. He needs to know that that it is not only ok to regress, we <i>all</i> enjoy these quiet moments of catching up with the time when we weren't yet a family. It is moments of true undiluted intimacy. Of bliss.<br />
<br />
So we hold his 3 year old self on our laps as a baby. At the moment he pretends to be a baby dinosaur (for the longest time he was a baby cat, and we were mummy/daddy cat). Then we make breakfast, and from there, we all mill into the bathroom where we play musical shower and tooth brushing. This is by far the best way of getting Digger out the PJ and on with the day. In fact it works like magic to draw the clothes. This used to be such a drag and could take hours. Now it's much more of a doddle.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRR_MptbDzhCdyN9OJlZLKKbB2x0s_g1ZOxOSiNPqLXg6uX8w0l1aI88rMlfyRE5ak8CBpLS5Th_kfwLznsNZpGulVVTl78JC7-AAWxSrz5Wq7q2u8X3CYBWkkNzMJm6yEO5ZN3g3BNOik/s1600/IMG_6296.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRR_MptbDzhCdyN9OJlZLKKbB2x0s_g1ZOxOSiNPqLXg6uX8w0l1aI88rMlfyRE5ak8CBpLS5Th_kfwLznsNZpGulVVTl78JC7-AAWxSrz5Wq7q2u8X3CYBWkkNzMJm6yEO5ZN3g3BNOik/s1600/IMG_6296.jpg" height="157" width="200" /></a>Usually we are lucky that there is time for some 1:1 play. Usually it is with Duplo/Lego. And usually it is with Daddy. This helps top Digger up with daddy before he leaves for work. I can then take over for a little while, and if it is a day with child minder, this 1:1 makes hand over all the easier.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_9smie7j2x139Fj6DL9kFK_6zmxesIeZqQJ0cysT3fvwrytvNt1D582XcXVFx6vyecheCrJ1mJawtz6tpU05fNXFWFbpXPoUmSABX1WNgFq8KPmCELMTyT1dtPEHISwhlxiHSap2U0StW/s1600/IMG_6297.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_9smie7j2x139Fj6DL9kFK_6zmxesIeZqQJ0cysT3fvwrytvNt1D582XcXVFx6vyecheCrJ1mJawtz6tpU05fNXFWFbpXPoUmSABX1WNgFq8KPmCELMTyT1dtPEHISwhlxiHSap2U0StW/s1600/IMG_6297.jpg" height="200" width="156" /></a>Next, we scoot/bike/walk/run to the park and the playground. Often we meet a friend. Again drawing his outdoor coat, scarf and shoes makes it a doddle to put it on. It was not so a week ago.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriNOqiZ5-SZun3apXmkiM3qNZjagSH65DGjBc-6J08ogqAusSQQdT9WwApQsb2bEjytGADeVOIZg23b1u8UwOIDEF0bPbA4r99I1E-XaLDwC5T5oUOf4ISSt_QS5Bd3pDWpze7B2hBOmx/s1600/IMG_6295.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiriNOqiZ5-SZun3apXmkiM3qNZjagSH65DGjBc-6J08ogqAusSQQdT9WwApQsb2bEjytGADeVOIZg23b1u8UwOIDEF0bPbA4r99I1E-XaLDwC5T5oUOf4ISSt_QS5Bd3pDWpze7B2hBOmx/s1600/IMG_6295.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
Sometime we have lunch in the park but mostly we return home to have lunch.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcvX_yokwOSJeyniYYrXQXb5nDaqy9gD7c7Hd1kyvFFFQBMqxYeqIBUfZqqq_QD9OLl5xTkh1NW5W6BfFmtsfkxoiqJ3WxStvViyzR5IXPnpGsoBRFy2vUPhiVUUcitqfbBl4qso92n7gd/s1600/IMG_6298.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcvX_yokwOSJeyniYYrXQXb5nDaqy9gD7c7Hd1kyvFFFQBMqxYeqIBUfZqqq_QD9OLl5xTkh1NW5W6BfFmtsfkxoiqJ3WxStvViyzR5IXPnpGsoBRFy2vUPhiVUUcitqfbBl4qso92n7gd/s1600/IMG_6298.jpg" height="136" width="200" /></a><br />
<br />
Digger loves spotting our front door on the drawing. A simple number on a door. He knows that when we set out, we will back again, and now he knows roughly when. He proudly sings our address aloud.<br />
<br />
Once back home it is quiet time. We read together, or do something quiet in the same room. Now that Digger has dropped his daytime nap, I still need a bit of time to open a newspaper, or write an email, or just rest my ears (he is the original chatterbox!).<br />
<br />
When it is over, it is time to play again. At the moment we play 'dinosaurs in the den' a lot. We build a den for human-sized dinos. Inside it we build structures out of anything for toy dinosaurs. Or we draw them on a black board inside. Or we read about them. The favourite at the moment is the pterodactyl. I'm the T Rex to his pterodactyl.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM6ZpDdPjr43d5tbFtXj722fzUklomDtr3u7FlZiygb5UPlPleABRYlD_1lJ1J63WgfGvyN7Y2JEfoGFtC6WvL1NyONMQ63wFI530ZTMzG3nGe0JTX4SNoi50snD47UFdRARKFEdrYBfxq/s1600/IMG_6299.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM6ZpDdPjr43d5tbFtXj722fzUklomDtr3u7FlZiygb5UPlPleABRYlD_1lJ1J63WgfGvyN7Y2JEfoGFtC6WvL1NyONMQ63wFI530ZTMzG3nGe0JTX4SNoi50snD47UFdRARKFEdrYBfxq/s1600/IMG_6299.jpg" height="173" width="320" /></a>Dinner is usually prepared together. Digger loves chopping veg and stirring the pots. Daddy returns home, and we can all eat together.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVjp8aWD7WlaVm-KbbOuQLJ2UhJ6d2a0t6Vl9zw8gnSG2MlPWHBmoTHOQW7VTdzTmELfWf7F1TwM2_y_oxO8ozwZ6G6aLwS95SML5H-fxAuguuDxFZZJonYwvIml_Isez6YF8higUt0a2w/s1600/IMG_6300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVjp8aWD7WlaVm-KbbOuQLJ2UhJ6d2a0t6Vl9zw8gnSG2MlPWHBmoTHOQW7VTdzTmELfWf7F1TwM2_y_oxO8ozwZ6G6aLwS95SML5H-fxAuguuDxFZZJonYwvIml_Isez6YF8higUt0a2w/s1600/IMG_6300.jpg" height="146" width="200" /></a></div>
Afterwards there is more time to play. At this time Digger usually favours soft balls or dancing. James Brown is very good to do in tights - if you didn't know, you can do a mean slide and spin in socks on wooden floors. At this hour we try to squeeze as much energy out of Digger as humanly possible.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjxlVF7c_kKAdSFo6yGW7pBVUA6jh3njG4NJckCA8l51Rzzn4tq1dOajf8c-mgvldadlqtDNW_EDb4J-mW9hIwzZDB098MkZsGecRU3wDnPhNCWJRRr2ksw-_S1dimjdNstsm_RLXXoTg8/s1600/IMG_6301.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjxlVF7c_kKAdSFo6yGW7pBVUA6jh3njG4NJckCA8l51Rzzn4tq1dOajf8c-mgvldadlqtDNW_EDb4J-mW9hIwzZDB098MkZsGecRU3wDnPhNCWJRRr2ksw-_S1dimjdNstsm_RLXXoTg8/s1600/IMG_6301.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a>Wind down time is running up to the bathroom where we may have a big bath, but will definitely cream up - I write his number of choice on his tummy which usually provides enough for his whole body. At the moment I am doing a lot of '10's. Then an adult brush his teeth. At the moment this is done by singing like some animal - also of his choice - to the melody of happy birthday, for some reason I fail to remember. You've guessed it: I do a lot of dinosaur roaring while toothbrushing.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDtT1i_VHBjyH8v5h4CL1u0B4dNA3vOh6XG9fIvVbCa5oyJ08ULgl6w9ahbaH-07T9VjD70WUHbCwgjlvXaUhgztmm59SjN-qUzms-65Z0LnU3Y-cAYWlErgmEdDjH5Z_XhuYXynyBm_7x/s1600/IMG_6302.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDtT1i_VHBjyH8v5h4CL1u0B4dNA3vOh6XG9fIvVbCa5oyJ08ULgl6w9ahbaH-07T9VjD70WUHbCwgjlvXaUhgztmm59SjN-qUzms-65Z0LnU3Y-cAYWlErgmEdDjH5Z_XhuYXynyBm_7x/s1600/IMG_6302.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDtT1i_VHBjyH8v5h4CL1u0B4dNA3vOh6XG9fIvVbCa5oyJ08ULgl6w9ahbaH-07T9VjD70WUHbCwgjlvXaUhgztmm59SjN-qUzms-65Z0LnU3Y-cAYWlErgmEdDjH5Z_XhuYXynyBm_7x/s1600/IMG_6302.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"></a><br />
Milk and stories follows next. Again, warm milk in a baby bottle. Followed by 2-3 books, then light out, 2-3 songs, and if he is still not out, a story from his life so far. A story which starts and ends in his room. And then Daddy's poem <i><a href="http://diggerdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/in-his-bed.html" target="_blank">in his bed</a>. </i>Since he gave up his day time nap a few weeks ago however we barely make it through the first story. We tuck him in, kiss him and tell him we love him.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtrnWbtO-eEA7F4WrOrjwZBk5XRW-4A7F0rj4J8AF6x7dIJj7LwDbKlPMczrdjmtaK97uVz5f0VFiX7qLxO4n3GXrlXONlOVycsRBHETBzGZ5sl3kr9fR_o39A94ey6xKMnEwDTIzhb06t/s1600/IMG_6303.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtrnWbtO-eEA7F4WrOrjwZBk5XRW-4A7F0rj4J8AF6x7dIJj7LwDbKlPMczrdjmtaK97uVz5f0VFiX7qLxO4n3GXrlXONlOVycsRBHETBzGZ5sl3kr9fR_o39A94ey6xKMnEwDTIzhb06t/s1600/IMG_6303.jpg" height="124" width="200" /></a><br />
Good night.<br />
<br />
And then it is grown up time.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-70110907292875093102015-01-09T08:21:00.001+00:002015-01-09T09:06:31.257+00:00a funeralI took Digger to a family funeral yesterday. I'd asked a number of people what they thought about bringing him. Most people thought it would be a good thing. So I decided I would take him, my tender, sunny ,energetic 3yo. And it all turned out very well. Digger as amazingly well behaved. We sat at the back ready to make a quick get away. But there was no need. We sang, stood up, sat down, stood up again and so. Digger followed it all. <div><br></div><div>I think he responded the somber atmosphere in the church as he stayed quiet. Perfect reading of how to behave. </div><div>He was even ok-ish about my tears. Kissed me, and hung on close. </div><div><br><div>The coffin was carried out past us. Outside it was lowered into the grave. The family said their goodbyes and threw in momentos. The rest of us followed, throwing in roses that landed on the coffin - as a last farewell. Digger threw in a single white rose, breaking the silence with 'It fall down deep. It fall down.' </div><div><br></div><div>He was confused though about seeing so many people he knew = party time, but everyone seemed sad and many people cried = not party as he knew it. </div><div><br></div><div>However well he had taken it, he was exhausted afterwards. I was too. We all were. Only natural. He clearly sense the intensity of occasion. So after registering him as heading for overtired, I strapped him in the buggy. A walk around the block was all that was needed. It's been a while since I had to force a nap like that. </div><div><br></div><div>Was I glad I had taken Digger? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes. </div><div>Would I recommend people doing it. In principle yes, but obviously it all depends on the context. </div><div><br></div><div>Death is all around. We are all headed that way. Saying goodbye is everywhere. Loss in a major issue in our children's lives. Not exposing ourselves and our children to it is not an option. In term of a funeral, it's a matter of when. Not whether Or not. And that was yesterday for us. </div><div><br></div><div>I wish we could talk a lot more about death and loss on our society. Not in a doom and gloom way, but as a part of life. There seems to be so much angst about it. Everywhere. </div><div><br></div><div>I have a friend who's father lay on display for a week in the family home after he died. That is the way that village did it. Giving everyone a chance by to pay their respect and to give their sincere condolences to the family. And have another biscuit and a cup of coffee. My friend and his family said goodbye to their loved one over the course of that week. They sat in silence, on their own (my friend crept down in the night to be alone), or singing and chatting with friends and family. And after one week <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">he really had to go. He was beginning to smell.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> But that is the best farewell I know. It still seems right and natural to me. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I didn't see my uncle dead. And that may have been a step too far for Digger - or would it? His death is still a bit abstract for me. The family situation in the run up and after his death is complicated and sad. It bring out the best in some and the worst in others. So there is still a lot of unresolved feelings slushing around in me. </font></div></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Death is so darn irrevocable. And sometimes is pisses me off. Frustrates and confuses me. And just makes me sad. It takes time. And those are all obvious natural feeling that need to run their course. Within treason ofcourse when looking after Digger. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I read a beautiful blog about an adopters loss of her father and how it brought her closer to her adopted daughter [wearefamilyadoption.wordpress.com/2013/11/29/granddad-and-grace-a-story-of-bereavement-and-adopion/]. Like peeling an onion I understand this blog a little more now. I sense there is a long way to go in understanding my sons's loss. And that it is different to what I know as loss. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-975004115519187192014-12-30T09:04:00.001+00:002015-03-03T19:59:24.203+00:00Charm, cute and worry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifCeup0vo_6ySn0cUOHRXigEGDp0spWB0OiSOLjR8tL_p5OSugf5tY1jCXZiREjLrcHCqgRy65t9b-rfgikgM3HSDdcE4Vofrg1ZGm5FM0lT4p8gkA30UlVxLvfqjqi0IKFuYg6Ckq8RaY/s1600/hugs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifCeup0vo_6ySn0cUOHRXigEGDp0spWB0OiSOLjR8tL_p5OSugf5tY1jCXZiREjLrcHCqgRy65t9b-rfgikgM3HSDdcE4Vofrg1ZGm5FM0lT4p8gkA30UlVxLvfqjqi0IKFuYg6Ckq8RaY/s1600/hugs.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My son is cute. Totally objectively speaking, of course. Not just by my mummy standards, of course not. He has a very good idea about how to work a crowd. He loves an audience and poses willingly for photos with his trademark excited smiley face. Often he finishes a performance with a bow and a wink.</span><br />
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Digger is definitely a pleaser. H<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">e wants us all to be together and happy. All the time. He would make an excellent sheep dog. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">T</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">hat is very well and lovely, but I worry that übercute Digger wins out over his more reflective self. I worry that the urge to please his surroundings may be to the detriment to recognising and acknowledging his own thoughts and feelings. That it is an early and effective cover for some more uncertain feelings.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Trying to make people feel comfortable and welcome is a quality that will probably stand Digger in good stead for the rest of his life. But I worry. I occassionally try to divert his urge to perform. I make sure to kiss/cuddle/caress him more when he is doing nothing special. Like playing with his cars by himself. Or eating dinner. Those quiet moments when he is just being himself. I used to give in to his urges to perform, dances especially. Encourage even. Well, that has to go. I don't think I will be squashing a budding John Cleese, or Gene Kelly. Or... ? Gosh... never thought of it like that... Still has to go.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Over the festive season the kissing of half <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">strangers rockets. Kisses and hugs everywhere. The British go continental. Digger too is receiving and giving. </span>The other night when we had guests, he walked round the table saying goodnight to each and every guest. With a cuddle and a peck on the cheek. It was lovely, and very sweet of him. We hadn't prompted anything but a wave to say goodnight. But that make me worry. Had we somehow asked this of him? If so that has to go too.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I've tried to curb the pressure to hug and kissing. But it's difficult to get the balance right as pausing to say and wave goodbye to visitors helps Digger cope with the transition of them leaving. Yes he does take our lead, and we kiss away. But clearly we got to be careful and more measured perhaps. Also of overthinking. Oh dear ... I've lost that one already.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
It worries me that his prime motivator is the fear of loss. Fear that we would not like (= love) him if he wasn't all sweet and cute. Or that other people wouldn't either. I've got a lot of work to do on this score. It's not about persuading him that he really <i>is</i> loveable just as he is. I don't think that would work, and certainly not with words. Liking one self, staying with one self, the sense of self has to come from within. And it is that looking inwards that I don't see in his eagerness to make sure people around are happy, preferably laughing as well. The other day he got hurt, and with tears streaming down his face he kept on reassuring me 'I'm happy, mummy, I'm happy mummy.' 'You don't look so happy, my little heart. I think you look sad. Is that so?' But he wouldn't hear it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
If Digger gets worried, he ramps up the charm, which then can have a fake favour to it. Said through tears and hiccups, it is worrying to me that he says he is happy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Don't get me wrong, there could be worse ways for getting attention and repairing his world. Digger is quite wilful too, so we see the other side as well. Usually though it is the pleaser that the public sees. I am almost relieved when he digs his heels in or gets stroppy. At least to start with. There is plenty of that too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Once again it is about personal boundaries. Physically as well as emotionally. Admittedly, I like it best too if people are happy, and I obviously have to revisit my own behaviour in all of this. Good manners is not just about a good upbringing, it is creation of an individual with a good sense of self. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-82818279696274373722014-12-10T20:54:00.001+00:002014-12-30T15:41:44.144+00:00SadToday I'm sad. I'm tired. Exhausted. Digger has been sad too. Something is rumbling deep inside him. Shifting and unsettling him. And so he cries more inconsolably than usual. Several times a day. I comfort him. Listen. While I hold him tight and stroke his hair. And tell him I'm right here. And that I love him. Just staying with him till he is done. <div>He's gone cold turkey on the old dummy cause of a tooth-loosening incident recent. He hasn't really looked back. But settling him takes longer now. </div><div>I guess I'm sad because sometimes I see a gulf in him. A black hole. One I can't fill. However much he is my son. My brave and beautiful son. </div><div>It isn't secondary trauma I'm feeling. It isn't depression. It's just a sadness washing over me. The one that recognises the sadness in his story. It happens every now and then. I recognise it now. Acknowledge it. </div><div>Along with the need for more sleep. </div><div>But it is an alarm bell. That I need to slow down. And be present. Rather than buying them. </div><div>Tonight I'll be ramping up the self care. As I did today while buying Christmas gift. Tonight it will involve new DVD of modern family, tea/wine (it can go either way) and a ballerina biscuit. At least one. </div><div>And my husband. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-21320893157541782682014-11-25T16:59:00.002+00:002015-03-11T09:43:41.490+00:00Wellies - right and wrong<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDGqUzTsIESPhyL9pGexlRBUDAZDgzPDwVTQ4iXYKPSuJJEfDKBudp8v3uI0jQdFE2KutsbGNDgK8pf2a1TRY-xQE0gLze_6mxVZKGGruN8UhnhKKuZcKGnZINl3SsYfppKU04Bgk5Xw4P/s640/blogger-image--358462589.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDGqUzTsIESPhyL9pGexlRBUDAZDgzPDwVTQ4iXYKPSuJJEfDKBudp8v3uI0jQdFE2KutsbGNDgK8pf2a1TRY-xQE0gLze_6mxVZKGGruN8UhnhKKuZcKGnZINl3SsYfppKU04Bgk5Xw4P/s320/blogger-image--358462589.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
Digger's put his wellies on the wrong way round again. The left welly on his right foot and right on his left. His small welly feet are pointing outwards. I think it looks funny, cute even. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it. So I don't mention it. We leave the house and carry on with our day. He jumps through a zillion muddy puddles. Every one he finds. Shrieking with joy. It's not raining. It's pouring. The <a href="http://diggerdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2015/02/kids-in-wet-weather.html" target="_blank">water profs </a>get their work out. At one point he is sitting in a 20 cm deep puddle, splashing water all around. We arrive a full hour of joy later to our destination, and when I unwrap him I'm astounded that he is still dry underneath.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Digger loves his wellies. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he can put them on himself. He is so consistent in putting the on the wrong way round that I think he sees it as right. Or perhaps they are easier to put on like that, I wonder? What ever the reason or lack thereof, I don't mind the outcome. I reckon he'll learn without me telling him. Sometime soon enough. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But I am amazed how many adults do point out this - to us - very obvious mistake. His nursery teacher sat him down and changed them round, in the sandpit, in the rain. I have the outmost respect for her. She is a mild-mannered, hippy teacher of Steiner Waldorf persuasion. She has genuine respect for the kids around her. I particularly love her approach to discipline and I learn or notice something new every time we meet. Somehow she hardly ever ask any of the children to do anything. And still things get done - hands get washed, toys put away, tables cleaned, even floors swept. But this welly thing ... it just didn't sit right with her. Odd. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I look at Digger's welly efforts and see something very different. I see he is trying. This is something I don't feel the need to correct. To me it's a tangible and ever timely reminder to have faith in his abilities. I look at them and remind myself that I should apply that accepting approach to his idiosyncracies much more often than I do.<br />
<br />
One day he will look down and notice. And that will be the end of that. And I'll miss the funny look.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-770828413593429852.post-51570886139563726362014-10-18T07:57:00.001+01:002014-10-19T08:00:36.505+01:00Uniform of motherhoodI wonder whether there shouldn't <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">be a uniform of motherhood. Some outward mark of the transition into motherhood. No matter how we arrived at it. </span><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Lord knows our job description has been rewritten when we became mothers. And fathers. <br></font><div><div><br></div><div>My wardrobe has definitely changed with the arrival of our son. Jeans have reached a whole other level of logic. Though I love my looses dresses too, I admit it is more easy to get in less than flattering flashes of underwear than it is with my jeans. Not least when you fumble around on the floors. </div><div><br></div><div>Pockets are key. Mine are always bulging. At the moment it's primarily tissues and chestnuts. </div><div><br></div><div>I love the idea of an official uniform of motherhood. </div><div><br><div>We could wear it on feast days and never have to worry about choosing something appropriate. Ever again! Because would be smart. And feminine. And never look dated. It would be like a female smoking. It would make us look bustier, taller, more straight backed and we would all be sexier it in. Because it would be us to the core. And we would wear it with confidence. Just as many men in their smokings and uniforms. </div><div><br></div><div>It would be very green and sustainable. Perhaps embroidered, stitched and sown by our friends and family like the beautiful bunads of Norway, their national costumes. </div><div><br></div><div>Our parental chests could be crowded with badges of honour. For sleepless nights endured, bruises kisses, meals cooked, bums wiped. Just for starters. Or maybe just years passed since that momentous change. It would be signs of our personal stories. Not to be compared. But to be seen and acknowledged. And appreciated. By all society. </div><div><br></div><div>My clothes are never pristine anymore. </div><div>There is always a smear on it somewhere. Mosty of food. </div><div>And it always arrives within second of me putting on fresh clothes. Sometimes I notice them. Often I don't. People probably wonder whether I actually own a mirror. And if I do whether I ever use it. </div><div>I do. But they don't mean much any more. </div></div><div><br></div><div>I'm just rounder, often more tired looking, dirtier, wearing less make up and more comfy/shapeless clothes. I look more worn. And feel more loved. And love more. </div></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15699818088459872973noreply@blogger.com0