Tuesday, 12 January 2016

sleep as a place of safety

Well, our boy still sleeps in our bedroom, still in the mega cot (though he will be growing out of it soon). Needless to say I still love having him there. No big surprises there then. Not much change from my last blog not he subject.

We had a short interlude of c. two months when he slept in his own room, directly below ours. By his own choice. We'd been to IKEA brought some new shelving and some boxes that slotted into it perfectly - can't remember the name, but it could have been something like Støblø.

Digger helped put it all together. His very first flat pack assembly. And it was fantastic. He loved it, we loved it. And the improvement to the ease of getting to (and tidying!) his toys was instant. As we marvelled at the finish product, he proclaimed he want to 'sleep in my room tonight.' So that's what we did. It worked for a few weeks. With us parents slogging up and down the stair during the night. But then Digger started nursery, and got ill, typical first term stuff. So he moved back into the old cot in our room.

Starting nursery is BIG! And it is clearly affecting his dreams and sleep. He often wakes around 4am, and we have an exchange like this:


'...Yes, sweets..?'

'I'm scared.'

Then I get up, and go to his cots. To stroke his chin, hold his hand tuck in him, etc. And stay for a little while. But other times, he just comes to our bed.

And this is what started me on this blog: that space between daddy and me I think for him is the safest place on earth for him. He will wiggle and move around, being little spoon of either of us, while always making sure he can reach the other. A toe on my leg. A hand on daddy's arm. Just some connection between us all.

This works for us.

And I have little doubt that he will grow out of it. He already has once. But then needed us again.

He is such a big brave boy, and they too are allowed to be scared, and cry - a lot sometimes - and need their mummy and daddy. That is what I tell myself, as I brace myself for his first operation later today. Emergency. Of a partly amputated long finger with a damaged artery. Under general anaesthetic.

Once that is all over, I cannot wait for the long night's sleep that will follow. Be it in little bed, big bed or a combination of the two. I hope the latter.

Wish us all luck. But most of all him.

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